Sex Question of the Week: Jack Daniels Stole Her Orgasm
I met a girl that much to my chagrin is an alcoholic. A functional one for now anyway. I find great pleasure in giving women orgasms but she has not had one yet and I know it's from the 5 or 6 beers she's had from the time she gets off work to 11:00 or so when we go to bed. (I don't live there but have stayed overnight at least three times and been there a couple other evenings and the pattern is the same.) She even has a beer on the nightstand.
I hold no illusion that I will sober her up ever but I would like to at least show her that she's missing out on a wonderful opportunity of a rich and fruitful sex life if for an evening now and then she can delay the ingestion of alcohol until after she's been orgasmic. Is that a viable pursuit or has the buildup intoxicated her body so much so that abstinence of a longer period is required?
There is a great deal of research on the sexual effects of alcohol, even specifically on the sexual effects of alcohol on women, but unfortunately there aren’t a lot of clear cut answers to your question, because we don’t really know at what point a negative effect becomes permanent, or how long someone would have to go without drinking to reverse negative effects.
That said, your experience with this woman fits with the research which suggests that orgasm difficulties and reduced sexual desire are the most common sexual effects of alcohol for women. There was some research with men that tried to discover precisely why intoxicated men had more difficulty reaching orgasm. One study found that distractions were much larger obstacles to orgasm when drunk. So if you’re really committed to giving this woman an orgasm, and she’s unwilling to forgo drinking, you may want to concentrate your efforts on reducing any distractions. On the other hand, you might want to direct her to About.com’s excellent site on alcoholism and substance abuse. Or you might want to do both.
As I was reading some of the research literature on alcohol and sex, I noted in several places that researchers were making a big deal of the fact that, in terms of sexuality, men and women respond differently to alcohol. Unfortunately as I read further I realized that the differences were almost entirely about sexual function, and didn’t really deal with the psychological or social effects. This creates some unfortunate misunderstandings on the part of researchers.
For example, one survey argued that men are less able to be sexual when intoxicated because alcohol generally interferes with a man’s ability to get an erection (which this researcher mistakenly believed was essential for any sex to happen) but alcohol can make a woman more sexually “receptive”. Of course what’s missing from this theory is the idea of consent. In order for sex to be safe, healthy, and pleasurable, everyone involved needs to consent. And when we are intoxicated issues of consent become very murky. This dated theory basically took the position that if there was an erection and a vagina, all was well in the world (which, come to think of it could make a nice Christmas card).
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Yes, it’s sad but true. So many women need it to be able to relay and only then can have a sexual intercourse which i find very problematic indeed. But that’s the reality and one can only take control of his/hre own life if he/she decides to, so…
Great article btw, keep writing the good stuff Cory.
Thanks for giving attention to my question. However, there is a clear cut answer and I took it. I got out. I would have loved to bring up her alcoholism as my reason but I knew that would be pointless as she is usually buzzed when I see her. So I jumped, nervously, on another almost equally viable reason. A bottle of another man’s cologne in the 2nd bathroom did the trick. She didn’t have an answer why it was there and though it hurts still, I walked. What a waste of beauty and brains and an opportunity to create a good life for her. I suspect I am at least the third lost relationship in her life…. her marraige being the biggest.