Why the Internet Will Not Turn Us into Anti-social Sex Maniacs (I think)

Last week the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, the largest organization which certifies sex educators and therapists, convened their annual conference in Charlotte, North Carolina. I went down both as a member and as a presenter. The talk I gave was titled “Fondling the Joystick, Tickling the Keyboard” and offered a general overview of the different kinds of human computer sexual interactions available to the general public (from video cell phones and sex bots to Second Life and teledildonics). It was also meant to start a discussion among sex educators and therapists who, by and large, don’t talk much about on line sex, or more broadly sex and technology.

During the talk, and in the subsequent days, several people came up to me to ask about sexual dysfunctions, mental health issues, and cyber sex. While no one seemed to be suggesting that technology would be the cause of dysfunction (my talk was intentionally critical of media portrayal of technology as the great psychological scourge of the 21st century) there was an interest in how students and clients (and presumably ourselves) might act out problematic behaviors on, and through, technology. There is so little research in this area, I had few answers, but agreed that the questions are worth asking and the issues are ones to pay attention to.

Yesterday I came across a posting over at Mind Hacks about a case reported in 2001 of a man diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia who imagined he was a character inside Grand Theft Auto (and as a result was arrested for stealing cars and threatening car owners with violence using weapons). The authors of the case study weren’t suggesting that GTA was the cause of the psychosis, but they concluded their paper suggesting that

…it does seem likely that, with the growing use of computers for relaxation, game scenarios will be incorporated increasingly into delusional systems. A worrying aspect is that, in many of these games, points are scored for acting violently or even killing. If the game is transposed into the real word [sic] by a delusional state, the risk of subsequent violence is high – particularly if violence is not perceived to be illegal or morally wrong.

This case study is relevant to the first discussion in a few ways.

First, it raises the possibility (some would say inevitability) of interactivity related diagnoses ending up in the DSM. One can’t minimize the kind of effect getting a diagnosis in the has, nor should one minimize the politics involved in getting such a diagnosis listed or the diagnostic ripple effects not all of them in the best interests of those diagnosed.

More interesting to me though is the way the authors’ position offers us a less sensational way to discuss issues of taboo/edgy/illegal sexual behaviors on line. In particular it points out that while technology may not cause psychoses, the way we integrate it into our psychoses is worth paying attention to.

Currently the only time mental health professionals take note of on line sexual behaviors seems to be when they are considered anti-social (e.g. cyber stalking, so called “internet porn addiction”). And the mainstream media remains so pathetically fixated on sex as titillation and proving to everyone that the people who edit and write for the media are sexless observers without an agenda, their coverage never gets past the oohh-aahh-how-weird-is-future-sex stage.

What about those of us who believe in the importance of sexual freedom, who believe that in fantasy there is little (or possibly nothing) that is “wrong” but who are also very aware of the real problems of sexual disorders, sexual violence, and sexual coercion that impacts so many of us? How do we start to talk about things like “virtual rape” or “virtual age play” or even, less intense topics like virtual sexual dysfunctions or sexual dissatisfaction?

One way to start is to focus less on a cause-effect or qualitative-quantitative relationship between virtual reality and real life, and instead start looking at the reciprocal relationship between the two. In some ways this is what Nick Yee’s work with The Daedalus Project is about (although he seems to eschew sexuality altogether). And it’s certainly a topic others are exploring (it is the subtext of a lot of Xeni Jardin’s postings, it’s the actual text of people like Noche Kandora, Brenda Braithwaite, and Kyle Machulis, to name but a few). The thing is that sex educators and therapists, who spend their lives talking and thinking and learning about sexuality have a lot to offer to this discussion, and they need to find a way in. Since questions seem more welcoming than answers, I thought I’d pose a series of questions that have come up since my talk in Charlotte both from colleagues and a few I thought up all on my own:

Are there unique ways we are using technology for sexual avoidance? Forget the cliché of computer nerds having cybersex because they can’t find real people to have sex with. If we acknowledge the virtual experiences can carry the same emotional and psychophysiological weight as “real life” experiences then we can seriously ask how virtual sexual experiences allow us to hide parts of ourselves from our partners.

What kinds of sexual problems are people having in their on line sex lives? We hear all about how wild virtual sex can be, but on an individual level is it satisfying people as much as they tell their virtual partners it is? Are people faking it on line as much as they are in real life?

Are people already experiencing sexual dysfunctions in their on line sex lives? I’m not talking about Xcite software failures as much as I am, say, a desire to have an interactive sex experience with someone but some problem (either psychological or physical) that prevents that interaction and causes mental distress?

Is it possible that someone would experience sexual dysfunction in a virtual environment and not in a real life encounter?

My hope in presenting at AASECT was that clinicians and researchers would start asking these questions of themselves, their students and clients. Even more my hope was that by raising the discussion in a non-technophobe, sex positive way, I could preempt the next series of media pieces about how technology is going to turn us all into antisocial sex maniacs.

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