Regina Lynn Offers Lessons from the Brave New Sexual Frontier

One might think that the most important element of any sex book is the information it contains. Not so. With thousands of sex books in print, and dozens (could it be hundreds…it feels like hundreds) more coming out each year it’s not the actual tips or techniques a book offers that will truly distinguish it; it’s the approach and tone of the author.

Regina Lynn, the long time sex columnist for Wired.com, author of The Sexual Revolution 2.0, and the newly hired sex newscaster for Playboy Radio, has a new book out which proves my point perfectly.

Sexier Sex: Lessons from the Brave New Sexual Frontier is a sweet, reassuring, and incredibly practical compendium of ways to spice up your sex life. The book is divided into eight parts with each section offering easy to follow answers to common and not so common sexual interests, including:

• How to Make Erotic Art with Cell Phones
• How to Delete Your Ex
• How to Have Cybersex
• How to Use Technology to Have More Time for Sex

But as great as her advice is, it’s Lynn’s philosophical orientation to sex, and the tone of the book which kept me glued to my seat (that was until I had to get up to try one of her suggestions). Sexier Sex is free of any hipster or sex-know-it-all attitude, it focuses on sex as a form of play, and it’s incredibly considerate of the fact that we don’t all have sex the same way.

After reading my way from “How to Buy Lingerie for Your Body Type” to “How to Cope When Your Video Sex Session Goes Public” I tracked down the author for a little tech sex Q & A.

Having just researched thousands of sex tips can you share your favorite from the book?

The best advice in the book is to use these lessons as inspiration and to let your imagination guide you. I've covered a wide range of things you can do, alone and with partners, but if I had tried to create an exhaustive list of every single possibility, I'd still be writing it. Sexier Sex is a practical handbook with actual sexy things you can do right now -- but it's also a gateway to expanding your sexual horizons in all directions.

You promise to show "women how to find greater sexual pleasure, intimacy, and adventure through creative use of modern technology". What if I'm useless with technology and/or not sure about being a woman?

If you can search for something on Google or make a call on a cell phone, you're tech-savvy enough for most of the lessons in this book. And if you're thinking that you'd like to become more comfortable with modern technology, what could be more fun than doing so in the context of learning how to be more romantic, playful and daring?

I aimed the book at women because I think women are more likely to turn to books to learn these sorts of things, and bring the new knowledge into their relationships with men.

I've never actually thought much about whether I'm writing for any particular gender, so it was interesting to see how it changed my writing from time to time, knowing that my publisher specializes in books by and for women. My Sex Drive column is published by a men's magazine -- do I usually write "for men"? I honestly don't know. But adults of any gender can get a lot out of Sexier Sex; the principles apply to everyone.

How did your writing change?

My Wired News editors get nervous if I start talking about 'relationships,' but I can say 'social networking' or 'social media' or 'web 2.0' to mean the same thing. But in the book, why, I could accept that people (including men!) have relationships, I could write about the full range of what sex means, from playful romp to Deep Meaningful Affirmation of Love and Commitment. No matter where you identify yourself genderwise, those are universal themes -- but a tech-culture publication like Wired.com doesn't want to stray too far into 'women's magazine' territory. It's all semantics, and rather hilarious when you think about it.

In this book and your wildly popular Sex Drive column for Wired.com you always seem to be able to write about sex and technology without losing the goofy, fumbling, human element. What's your advice to people who worry that technology will get in the way of their sex lives instead of adding to it?

Tech is just stuff. If you experiment with it and find it doesn't work for you, its feelings won't be hurt when you stop using it. I think if the tech is getting in the way, that's a Sign you need to heed. Certainly playing with technology can give you some insight into your true desires -- which can be uncomfortable at times. But it's not about keeping up with the Gateses or forcing yourself to use your mobile phone in bed because you think you're supposed to. It's about approaching sexuality with your imagination wide open and finding additional ways to bring joy to yourself and others, whatever that means for you.

What do you think is the most common misperception about sex and technology?

That sex-tech is new and automatically bad. Our fear of how people combine sex and tech is out of balance with the actual dangers. Humans have always invented technologies for sexual purposes and yet somehow we've managed to keep on connecting with one another, loving and lusting and mating and breaking each other's hearts.

Sexier Sex shows you some new steps in an old dance. None of our technologies today or tomorrow will ever replace human touch. (Except for a small percentage of people who want it to; and who are we to deny them that option?)

I think we've already integrated some technologies into our relationships so well that we've forgotten that just five years ago they were "technologies" and therefore scary. Not long ago, text messages were the boogieman out to destroy the last remnants of romance. Now we hardly bat an eye about texting but get nervous that our partners will prefer deep meaningful relationships with sex robots over dealing with us and all the normal human drama we represent. No sooner will we realize that sex robots are as important to modern relationships as washing machines and robot vacuums than we'll find something else to panic about -- perhaps zero gravity alien dancers streaming their erotic webcams from space.

Have you ever compared notes with an offline sex columnist? I'm wondering if the sex questions of tech savvy people are any different than those of luddites.

Tech savvy people tend to be more open to incorporating toys into sex, like vibrators and text messaging. They also tend to write me after they've done a lot of online research of their own. However, sex is sex, and the questions I get are fairly universal questions, albeit sometimes with a new slant: the affair might be in Second Life rather than at the office, or a person might have come out in a chat room and be asking for advice on how to do so to his family. Mostly, in the 1000s of people I've talked to over the years, it comes down to the One Big Concern: Am I normal?

_{Cover image courtesy of Seal Press}