A recent study in the journal Sociology of Religion looks at American's beliefs about divine intervention in their daily lives. Based on two large surveys of Americans (one of which was nationally representative) the paper reports on how much or little people believe God is involved and influencing the events and activities of their daily lives. Among the findings, the study documented that:
- 82% of participants say they depend on God for help and guidance in making decisions
- 71 per cent believe that when good or bad things happen, these occurrences are simply part of God's plan for them
- 61 per cent believe that God has determined the direction and course of their lives
- 32 per cent agree with the statement: "There is no sense in planning a lot because ultimately my fate is in God's hands."
There are all sorts of critical questions to ask about what these numbers mean, especially since, if I understood the paper correctly, participants responded to questions whether or not they actually believed in God (so they were asked to report what they thought God was like, even if they didn't believe in God).
But that's not why I'm sharing this information. Even if these numbers are off, and they are much lower, it got me thinking. If you believe that God is at all involved in your daily life, if you believe there is a God who is making decisions or has a plan, and exerts an influence on your path, do you believe that God is involved in your sex life? Is it God who influences your choice of sexual partners? What does God have to say about how much you like sex, or the kind of sex you like?
I know a little bit about the various positions organized religions take on sexuality (positions that are never uniform, even within one religious faith or practice). I also know that there's a whole Christian sex self-help industry. But what I'd like to know more about is whether people who feel God's presence in their daily lives also feel that presence in their sex lives.
I talk with lots of people about sex every day. And thinking on this question I'm aware that sex is usually compartmentalized off from other kinds of God-ish experiences.
So there are people who engage in specific kinds of sexual practices that they call spiritual (things like Tantric and Taoist sexual practices). And they often talk about feeling as if sexual activities are a form of worship, that sex makes them feel closer to God. But I don't hear those people talking so much about God outside of their sexual practice.
And then there are people who (as this study suggests) feel as if God is influencing their daily lives, but those folks don't talk so much about sex.
This may or may not be the best place to ask (and for goodness sake, if you're going to leave a comment below please be kind) but it seems to me that there must be all sorts of voices missing from these conversations, and I'm genuinely curious. If you do believe that God is involved in your everyday life, how much do you think about that when you think about sex and sexuality?
Read more - Schieman, S. "Socioeconomic Status and Beliefs about God's Influence in Everyday Life" Sociology of Religion. Volume 71, No. 1 (2010): 25-51. Accessed March 11, 2010.
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“If you believe that God is at all involved in your daily life, if you believe there is a God who is making decisions or has a plan, and exerts an influence on your path, do you believe that God is involved in your sex life?”
Good question. But it calls for us to address a couple of details:
First: Which God? Do you believe in an angry, punitive deity who simply wants you to follow a set of strict rules? Or a compassionate deity who gave you the ability to think and love for a reason?
Second: All depends on whether you consider sex and sexuality part of your daily life. Too often our culture and our religious traditions instill a sense that sexuality is something “out there” and not necessarily integral to our being.
Too many religious groups and leaders seem to promote such a disconnect. They say that imposing rules and harsh penalties on the details of everyday life is a soul-killing legalism — but then say that doing so with regard to sex is part of God’s plan.
My spirituality tells me to address sexuality the same way as anything else in my life — with care, respect, joy and acceptance of the various ways this gift can be celebrated.
Look, why be so complex on all this? God, is God, is God. However you want to define it. And each person has there own. But to answer the question, I’d have to say, “yes”, God IS involved in your sex life, if you want him to be. I was a single mother. My ex was abusive but I’d finally gotten to a point where I wanted someone else in my life. I said a prayer (believe it or not), and not that I’m extremely religious cause I’m not. However, in two days, this guy showed up at my house. I didn’t see his face. I’d been in the yard talking to a friend and looked like poo. But he told his friend at the time, he wanted to date me. He knew then that I was the one he wanted. It was all very weird, and a long story, but needless to say, we’ve been married for almost 20 years and it’s the best sex I’ve ever had.
That’s a very good question, one that made me think. God is in all aspects of your life. The Bible is full of sex! Look at it from a different point of view, what is the purpose of the clitoris? Pleasure! God made us sexual beings. I do believe that He is part of my sex life because he has given me the “tools” to enjoy the union of two people. If you are happy in the bedroom, you are happy in your relationship.
I think this is a very adventurous question, one that goes to the heart of why sex is so endlessly interesting to us. There is probably enough rich material in this discussion topic to fill a book… or many books!
(Or maybe every book ever written, every art piece ever made, every song ever sung?) Our eros runs very deep. Why wouldn’t it? The basis of our very existence comes from sex, courtship and relationship. Whether we’re straight, gay, intersex, vanilla or Other, we are wired to think in archetypes of love, sex and spirit.
Running through the mythology of the world’s cultures there is a mystic/sexual/affectional thread, but because of denials or taboos, one has to look hard to find it, often couched in metaphors. The longing to be known, to unite with a universal force, and sexual expression all intertwine, sometimes in odd ways.
One great synthesis I found was in a coffee-table book titled “Sex and Spirit” (Clifford Bishop, Living Wisdom series of Time-Life Books, Duncan Baird Publishing.) It shows all the myriad ways in which our sense of the sacred and our sense of sex have influenced each other for as long as humans have been humans.
Thanks for making my day by bringing such an interesting conversation into it!
BrightCloud – Author, spiritual explorer, Tantric practitioner
There is so much variety in sexual practices and lifeforms on mother earth , it is facinating research material. I am very scared of germs and also hurt feelings and or abuse and complications
As sex is our GOD given right, so GOD is involved in our sex and our sex lives… For those of us who have experienced great and fanatastic sex, we remember of shouts and exclamations of “oh my god!!” and “oh jesus!!”
Why?? Because only GOD can create something as beautiful and spiritual as sex. Be blessed in your sex lives! For whatever you do sexuality, be not selfish and you will recieve the sex that GOD intended you to have!
Well…….I don’t scream out “Oh My God” in the moment for nothing!. Seriously, I don’t think about God as a separate entity or outside of myself anyway so sex and sensuality is all a part of the big picture and the big picture equates as god to me.
I love that you brought this up! Yes, God is part of my whole life, including my sex life. I believe my husband is the greatest gift God gave to me, and I want our lovemaking to bless him. I have been known to pray (quietly, in my head) for God’s grace while having sex, so that the things we do together enrich our marriage and make us stronger as a couple. We are both on our second marriages, and have learned the hard way what a relationship empty of love does to children. God made every inch of our bodies, in my belief. He made us to have pleasure!
Thank you Mom for that! It’s so true that really good,fantastic sex with God in the midst comes from genuine appreciation of love shared between two people. When that sexual love is expressed everyone feels it.! It’s clear! As long as God is involved, it’s all good! Believe that!
God created sex. So God must be actively involved in our sexual activities of man and woman. How about lesbians and homosexuals? God created man and woman only. Is God still involved in any weired sexual activities,unnatural sexual acts and not intended by the Creator?
It seems all these comments miss the point. Cory is asking about God in your sex life. Like how He fits in. I’m guessing he’s addressing a more Christian crowd, the ones who go to church and pray and donate all their cash and time for good deeds in the name of Jesus. What type of role does He have in the bedroom? Do you close the door on Him and leave Him out or does he hover about making you feel guilty when you want your partner to touch you “there”. One woman (mom of 6) mentions she’s prayed during sex, for God’s grace and to make what they do together strengthen their marriage. That’s the sort of answer I think Cory was looking for. What role does a benevolent, Holy Savior play in the bedroom, not whether or not you scream out “Oh God!” when you orgasm.
It’s Wednesday night, Bible Study night. This is a good question to take with me and share. It’s deep and penetrating, you may take it as a pun but sex is also meant to be fun, enjoyable and rewarding. Cory makes a good point in that it isn’t for most of us. I say online that Christ is between you and I, I and you, that marriage is a menege dua twa (sp). I seem to think that I’m to straght laced to use any other four letter word in describing sex other than l-o-v-e. In that vein of reasoning I find it a good thing to read your articles Cory so thanks.