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Cory Silverberg

When World's Collide: Masturbation and Partnered Sex

By August 30, 2011

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Last week's sex question was from a reader who could only orgasm with their vibrator but who wanted to have orgasms with their partner.

One aspect of this reader's experience that I wasn't able to get into enough last week was the very common disconnect many of us have between our solo sex and our partner sex lives when we are in relationships. Take a minute now to think about a time when you've been in a committed relationship. How did being in that relationship change not only the frequency of your masturbation, but the content of your thoughts, feelings, and fantasies when you masturbate?

Some of us have thoughts and fantasies when we masturbate that we don't allow ourselves to have at any other time. And many of us likely have feelings and fantasies that we don't even admit to ourselves, but we are able to touch just a little bit in moments of solo sex.

All of this can lead to an experience of fear or anxiety if we are asked to bring something of our solo sex life into our partnered sex life, it's like world's colliding. And yet, sometimes this is what is called for.

Last week a reader wanted to know if they could have the kinds of orgasms they experience alone when using a vibrator, when they are having sex with their boyfriend. It's possible, and I suggested many ways this could work. But the most direct would be to bring their vibrator into partnered sex life. And this week I wanted to offer some simple tips on how to connect these two worlds with as minimal collision-damage as possible.

Read more - How to Introduce Your Vibrator to Your Partner

Related - Masturbation in Relationships

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