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Cory Silverberg

When the Sex Question Isn't Why

By March 1, 2012

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This week's sex question came from an About.com reader who is in a great relationship and with their partner they've made a wonderful family that they don't want to lose. The problem is that her and her partner have had sex exactly one time in the past three years.

Reading her story and her questions I couldn't help but think about how we often treat the idea of a "sexless relationship" as if all relationships are the same. And how her situation was so different from some others I hear about in the course of my work and my life. Neither her nor her partner were particularly concerned with why their sexual attraction wasn't there anymore. They both knew a time when having sex with friends or strangers was part of their sex lives and a part that they enjoyed. But since having a child and being in a relationship for an extended period of time they'd stopped that.

It was clear that what was happening wasn't something that could be resolved by a new sex position or technique. Nor does it seem like there are serious relationship issues that are playing out in their sex life.

Offering something useful to people who have questions without making a lot of assumptions or inserting my own values and biases is both the hardest and most gratifying part of my job. Here's how I responded to this week's question:

Great Relationship But No Sex.

Read all Sex Q & As from About.com

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