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Cory Silverberg

Why Sex Matters

By March 6, 2012

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There are so many ways that people who identify as asexual have enriched public discussions of sexuality. Among them is the question of why sex matters to us personally. Yes, yes, we all know that certain kinds of sexual activities assist in the continuation of our species. But is that one of the reasons you care about sex?

If you're not a particularly neurotic person you may be asking, why do I need to know WHY sex matters to me? Isn't enough that it does?

This is a fair comment. And if you were reading someone who wasn't quite so neurotic they might agree. But that wouldn't make them right.

If sex is anything, it's multi-layered. A cigar may sometimes be just a cigar, but even then it's got an outside and an inside, it has weight and texture and taste. It has the ability to arouse some and disgust others. Even just a cigar is never just a cigar.

Ask yourself just how much your interest in sex comes from social expectations, how much comes from the messages you have been raised with, how much comes from whatever we mean by "hard wiring." Why does sex matter to you as much or as little as it does? How has that changed over time?

It's not as if the answers to these questions themselves will be revelatory to you. But asking them can be.

If all of this questioning and answering seems theoretical I promise it's also practical. Most people who I meet who are struggling with some aspect of their sexual expression or identity benefit from thinking through some of these questions and finding their own answers.

This week's sex tip offers a way for anyone to start this process. It doesn't require a partner, or an active sex life, or any formal education. Give it a try.

Sex Tips for the Rest of Us: Why Sex Matters

Read all Sex Tips for the Rest of Us

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Comments
March 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm
(1) sexleksaker says:

I obviously can only answer for myself, sex drive will I know that I love or really like someone of the opposite sex. By the way thanks for the excellent and well written articles

March 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm
(2) Jaeleen says:

Thanks so much for a great article!

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