Too Hot for Sex

At the moment, it's way too hot for sex.  At least for me it is.  I live in the north east and we're experiencing a new round of punishing heat and humidity, and I can barely stand to be touched, never mind moving around and rubbing my body against someone else's (or even against myself).  I wish the heat didn't bother me as much as it does.  But it does.  When I consider my dilemma - I want sex, but I don't want it now or under these conditions - I can't help but be aware that this is a problem that arises out of choice and privilege.

I think about how many people I know who don't get a lot of opportunity to have sex with other people.  The reasons for this are complicated but the result is often that when such an opportunity presents itself, many will, understandably, compromise on some of the things they want, or they like to have, in order to get something that they feel they need.

Being desired, having someone else acknowledge that we are real and human and sexy, is a powerful thing.  And lots of us don't have that experience all that often.  You probably know someone who you think 'settles' when it comes to their sexual or romantic relationships.  Maybe you think you do this.  And you wonder why we do it.  But we all make calculations and compromises to get what we need.  I don't have sex in the heat because (for now) I'm lucky enough to know that I can wait.  Of course I could be wrong about that too.  One never knows what's around the corner.  With privilege comes a tremendous amount of delusion.

But I do have choices, choices others don't.  Here's one example:  since I can afford to pay rent and live in an apartment with  walls and a lockable door that only I have the key to, I have a place to go to have sex when I want it.  If I didn't, if I lived on the street or made use of shelters, and if I wanted to have sex, then I'd be having sex outside.  In this heat. And, by the way, simply having sex could get me arrested in many states and countries around the world. So that would have to be a calculation as well.

In the language of superficial hipster blogging I suppose you could say that feeling like it's too hot for sex is a 'first world problem' or a 'white person problem'.  But everything is more complicated than what gets represented on facebook, twitter, or tumblr.  And comparing problems as being more or less serious is a fools game if what you care about is how individuals experience the world around them.

I'm not looking for sympathy here.  Just a little relief.