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Cory Silverberg

Saving Myself for Marriage

By June 24, 2013

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Over the past few weeks I have been emailing with an About.com reader who decided to wait for marriage before having sex. He made this decision, but he's worried about it. What struck me the most about his first email was his expression of doubt. This, I think, is unusual.

Not that people who try to abstain from sex don't have doubts about their choices. Like all of us, they must. But when you read about the issue of abstinence or chastity particularly in the media, you rarely find people equivocating. Instead you have a polarized set of opinions; there are those who think abstaining from sex is healthy, or spiritually right, or simply better and there are those who paint abstainers as religious nut jobs who are missing out, and who somehow don't really know themselves because they aren't having sex.

This is the way things are presented in the media and when individuals are asked to publicly speak in defense of a choice that is being made political. In private conversations you'll find people are far more confused. And what we all need is a chance to talk it out and think it through.

Which is what we did in our email exchange. Because sometimes spectating can be engaging, I've compiled and condensed the conversation and link to it below.

Read More - No Sex Before Marriage?

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July 9, 2013 at 11:44 am
(1) Chad says:

I am a 33 year old virgin.
until the age of 30 I was waiting for “the one”
Still haven’t found her, and now I realize why abstinence is good for
a relationship and why it is no longer helpful for me.
Now its too late, years of loneliness and abstinence have left me with
a situation that no woman wants to touch,
Women don’t want a 30 year old virgin,

As to why it is useful: is because ( the way I understand it) is that the
first person you have sex with you have a deeper connection to,
they are harder to forget at the very least, you are better connected,
the plus side to this is that when you are both virgins it improves the strength of your connection and the odds of your relationship lasting.
However, this becomes a moot point as you age, since as the number of potential lovers dwindles. based on my experience that point is around 23 years old.

July 26, 2013 at 12:23 pm
(2) Robert says:

This is one of those topics that have very valid points from both sides of the coin.

Chad – I really hope you find “the one” because there is someone out there for everybody.

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