This series of lessons is designed for people in relationships who are having sex but want to change or develop their sex lives in some new way. Each lesson includes a little bit of sex education, suggestions of activities to try out during the week, and an opportunity to let you reflect on your experience of what it’s like to try and change your sex life. This course is not meant as a substitute for working through things with your partner, nor is it a substitute for sex therapy or counseling.
I recommend starting the course from the beginning, or signing up to receive these lessons automatically each week as a 9 Weeks to Better Sex online course.
Having the Orgasms You Want
Orgasms can feel great, and they are great for you. But if you feel pressure to have an orgasm, it’s not only going to reduce the chances of having one, it’s going to take away from the pleasure you could be feeling. There is all sorts of sexual pleasure to be had that isn’t an orgasm, and whether you imagine better sex as including fewer, more, or different kinds of orgasms, it’s important to try and alleviate any pressure you or your partner may be feeling to deliver.
This week’s lesson is all about orgasms, what they are, what to do if you aren’t having them, and how to explore different kinds of orgasms with your partner.
Section 1 - Erotic Education
Types of Orgasms
There isn't any agreement on how many different kinds of orgasms there are, or how to define or distinguish them. But this list of nine different types of orgasm can be an interesting place to start thinking of your own orgasmic experiences.
If You Aren't Having Orgasms
Just because you're in a relationship, even a long-term relationship, doesn't mean you're having orgasms, or that you're having orgasms regularly. If better sex for you includes having orgasms at all, this article breaks down the most common reasons people don't orgasm.
Having Your First Orgasm
If you haven't had an orgasm yet, not knowing what it's like can create a lot of anxiety. If you're hoping to have your first orgasm soon you'll find most of what you need to know here.
Section 2 - Getting Your Hands Dirty
Building Better Orgasms
If you're having orgasms but you want more, stronger, or just different orgasms, this exercise is a step-by-step guide to new orgasms.
Orgasms Through Intercourse
Intercourse can be a pretty inefficient way to have orgasms. Many people have intercourse and then do something else to have their orgasms. But if you'd like more orgasms during intercourse there are some simple things you can do to increase your chances of having your cake and eating it too.
G Spot and Female Ejaculation
I remain concerned that both the g spot and female ejaculation have become new performance targets that women feel they must hit in order to have great sex. Nothing could be further from the truth. Many women never experience anything like what some people describe as g spot orgasms or female ejaculation, and they still have hot and satisfying sex lives. But if you are interested in exploring g spot and female ejaculation, find your road maps here.
Male Multiple Orgasms
Some of the oldest sexual texts offer instruction for men on how to have multiple orgasms. But having multiple orgasms shouldn't become a new performance goal for guys. Instead what is most interesting about it is the way that multiple, non-ejaculatory orgasms for men can remove the performance pressure and completely rearrange the way guys experience their sexual response.
Section 3 - Better Sex Journal
Orgasms
Creating a better sex life requires not only sexual action but sexual reflection. Use these ideas and questions to guide you in reflecting on lesson two. You can either keep an actual journal or if privacy or access is a barrier, just think about the questions and answer them in your head.
