This series of lessons is designed for people in relationships who are having sex but want to change or develop their sex lives in some new way. Each lesson includes a little bit of sex education, suggestions of activities to try out during the week, and an opportunity to let you reflect on your experience of what it’s like to try and change your sex life. This course is not meant as a substitute for working through things with your partner, nor is it a substitute for sex therapy or counseling.
I recommend starting the course from the beginning, or signing up to receive these lessons automatically each week as a 9 Weeks to Better Sex online course.
When Sex Drives Collide
One of the most common problems couples in long-term sexual relationships face is a difference in sex drive. You both may want better sex, but as we covered in week 2, what that looks like may be very different for each of you. Talking about sex drive differences often taps directly into our insecurities, fears, as well as our dreams and desires, and as such, sex drive differences can be a real lighting rod for sexual conflict.
Be wary of sexual and gender stereotypes when it comes to sex drive differences. It isn’t always men who want sex all the time and women who don’t. But these stereotypes can heavily influence our expectations and our willingness to talk.
This week’s lesson offers some tips on how to deal with sex drive differences, as well as ideas on keeping desire alive in long term relationships.
Section 1 - Erotic Education
What Is Sex Drive?
Sex drive is one of those terms we all use but rarely think about the specific meaning of. Is our sex drive how much we want sex? How much we think about sex? And how come we may dream about sex with everyone other than the one we're having sex with?
What Causes Differences in Sex Drive?
At the beginning of most relationships, the sex is plentiful and there's plenty of time for it. And then, for many couples, things change without anyone talking about it. Learn about the main causes of differences in sex drive and what you can do about it.
Section 2 - Getting Your Hands Dirty
How to Talk About Differences in Sex Drive
This exercise offers a step-by-step guide to talking with your partner about differences in sex drive. These conversations can be fraught and painful, so preparing your thoughts in advance might help a bit.
Addressing Differences In Sex Drive
Not sure if you should be talking with your partner, a counselor, or both? Some things to think about when addressing sex drive differences in your relationship.
Keeping Desire Alive in Long-Term Relationships
Sex drive and desire are two different things. But for many people sex drive goes down when there is a loss of desire, whether due to physical, psychological, or emotional changes.
Section 3 - Better Sex Journal
When Sex Drives Collide
Creating a better sex life requires not only sexual action but sexual reflection. Use these ideas and questions to guide you in reflecting on lesson two. You can either keep an actual journal or if privacy or access is a barrier, just think about the questions and answer them in your head.
