This series of lessons is designed for people in relationships who are having sex but want to change or develop their sex lives in some new way. Each lesson includes a little bit of sex education, suggestions of activities to try out during the week, and an opportunity to let you reflect on your experience of what it’s like to try and change your sex life. This course is not meant as a substitute for working through things with your partner, nor is it a substitute for sex therapy or counseling.
I recommend starting the course from the beginning, or signing up to receive these lessons automatically each week as a 9 Weeks to Better Sex online course.
What You Need for Better Sex
It’s not stellar technique, or the right thing to say, or the newest sex toy. It's yourself. Meaning, if you want to have better sex, understanding your own sexual self gives you a foundation on which to build different kinds of sexual experiences and interactions. If you’re not willing turning inward, it’s like building an addition on an unknown foundation (and that just leads to a lot of plaster dust and nails sticking out of boards).
This week’s lesson is about learning the one thing you need to know about for better sex: your sexual self.
Section 1 - Erotic Education
Mapping Your Sexual Anatomy
No two of us are exactly alike. How much do you know about your own sexual anatomy, what parts feel good, what kind of touch makes them feel good, how these parts change when your feeling turned on? If you're going to invite others to travel your sexual terrain, it's a good idea to get a lay of your own land first.
Writing Your Sexual History
If you want to move ahead, and avoid going around in circles, it helps to know where you've been. Many of us think our sexual histories are boring, or don't have enough notches on the bedpost. This is never true, since your sexual history isn't just a list of who you've had sex with. It's a story about who you are, and taking the time to write it out can help give you a different perspective.
Lies We're Told About Sex
All of us are lied to about sex. This is especially true when we're growing up, but even as adults the messages we're fed about what kind of sex we "should" be having, or what constitutes "healthy sex" are often nonsense. If you want to get at what better sex is for you, and not what others want it to be for you, you need to start recognizing these lies and calling them out.
Masturbation Myths
Masturbation is a perfectly healthy form of sexual expression and in my opinion, it's a good idea and a great time. If you're already comfortable with masturbation and do it without feeling guilty, that's great. Otherwise, read up if you want to go any further.
Section 2 - Getting Your Hands Dirty
Masturbation Techniques
Whether you're a newbie or an old pro, there are always things to learn about masturbation. Some people assume that as long as they can get the job done, there's nothing more to know. But there are infinite ways to get a job done, and each new technique offers an opportunity for a different kind of lesson.
Switch It Up, With Yourself
If you're one of the aforementioned "old pros" when it comes to masturbation, try this exercise, designed to add a little spice to your solo sex life.
Section 3 - Better Sex Journal
Better Sex Starts With You
Creating a better sex life requires not only sexual action but sexual reflection. Use these ideas and questions to guide you in reflecting on lesson two. You can either keep an actual journal or if privacy or access is a barrier, just think about the questions and answer them in your head.
