Masturbation is considered by many to be the cornerstone of sexual health. Most men believe that they already know everything about their own genitals and sexual response. It’s all out there, boys will be boys, etc. But just because you know how your tools work, doesn’t mean you can build the Eiffel Tower.
Also, contrary to popular belief, a penis doesn't make a man. Most men have penises, yes. And most like the way they feel, true. But not all men have penises, or penises that feel good, or that they want to use in the context of sexual pleasure. This might be better described as a guide to masturbating for penises. If you're curious we have another guide to masturbation for clitorises. And a third one that is simply masturbation for everyone.
One generalization that can be made safely for most men, is that they experience a fraction of their full erotic and orgasmic potential. Read on for simple and fun tips to change that for yourself.Here's How:
Make time for more than a quickie.
Most guys first learn to masturbate in secret and furtive ways. They do it quickly and when evidence exists, they need to figure out what to do with it afterward. This can create a powerful pattern of masturbating quickly, without paying attention to where your sexual arousal can take you. To start exploring something different, make sure you have some extended time and privacy for yourself, when you aren’t trying to finish quickly before someone interrupts.
Turn off the porn (just for a while) and tune into your body.
Not everyone likes pornography, but a lot of guys do, and while porn can be great, the fantasizing and projection takes you out of your body at least a little. This can distract you from what’s actually happening in your body. You don’t need to throw the porn away, but for a few times, masturbate without porn, and objectify yourself for a change!
Do a...dry...run through.
Bad pun aside, it’s a good idea to try the above suggestions, and then just masturbate as you normally would. As you do this pay attention:
- Changes in your breathing: Does it become shallow and quick, slower and deeper?
- Changes in your body: is there tension in some places, and relaxation in others? Is this the same every time you masturbate?
- How does it feel just before you have an orgasm?
- How does it feel as you orgasm, and immediately post-orgasm
Time to switch it up.Men learn early in their lives the most effective way to get themselves off. And most never waver from the utilitarian approach to self love. But sex is less like a well oiled machine, and more like a chaotic food fair with an endless selection of ways to satisfy your appetites. It’s time to throw a wrench in the works and shake up your routine. Try any combination of the following suggestions:
Does your left hand know what your right hand is doing?
Do you always use the same one hand to masturbate? Most guys do. If you’re among them, start with the simple tip of switching hands. It can feel strange at first, the rhythm might be off, it’s almost like sex with someone new for the first time. Enjoy the newness, and see if a new hand can teach an old hand some new tricks.
Experiment with positions.
If you aren’t an experimental type, it’s time to start. If you’re used to masturbating lying down on your back, try sitting up. If you normally sit in a chair, try kneeling or lying on your side. As with all these changes, this might feel ridiculous at first, and you’ll probably go back to old faithful, but it's worth trying out a few new masturbation sex positions, to see if they bring any new sensations.
Get your hips moving.
The way your body moves when you masturbate is probably very different from the way it moves when you’re having sex with someone else. Many men don’t move at all when they masturbate. You know your body best, so think about what kind of movement you have and can explore, and then try to add it in when you are masturbating. If it works for you, try to move your hips when you masturbate. Notice how moving your hips in different ways can bring you closer to, and at times take you farther away from, the point of orgasm.
Use different hand strokes.
Most men learn early on that a vigorous stroke does the trick. This intense up and down stimulation usually ends in a good orgasm. But there are dozens of other strokes that each bring with them different sensations, and different orgasms. If you masturbate primarily by touching your penis, try to toll your penis in between your hands, moving your hands up and down your shaft. Try using long twisting strokes instead of just up and down. Experiment with different movements, pressures, and speeds.
Explore your shaft.
While most of the nerve endings in the penis are at the head, and specifically the frenulum, many men will have spots on their shaft that are unusually sensitive. Try putting one hand at the base of your penis and press it towards your body while experimenting with different hand strokes along the shaft of your penis. Treat this like a treasure hunt, and try to feel the difference between one side and the other, between stimulation near the base and up near the tip.
Reach around, yourself.
For many men the balls (testicles) are a very sensitive area that responds well to feelings of touch and pressure. Take your forefinger and thumb and make them in a circle at the top of your scrotum. Gently tug on your scrotum as you're masturbating. This is both a way to delay ejaculation and a way to extend sexual feelings in your body. Experiment with other kinds of touch including tickling, scratching, and rubbing.
Check out the neighborhood.
While the penis and scrotum tend to be the epicenter of masturbatory attention, if you’re looking to open things up a bit, be sure to take a tour of some other nearby areas. The perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, is very sensitive to pressure and massage, and rubbing it provides external prostate stimulation. Speaking of which, don’t be afraid to explore the anus, both externally and by using a finger for penetration.
Bring it all together.
Not everything you try is going to do it for you, but the idea is to try lots of different things, and then incorporate whatever you like into the ways you regularly masturbate. Maybe it’s a different stroke, or position, or breathing technique. Obviously there is no one, correct way to masturbate, and even if you’ve got something that works for you, consider the fact that there could be more out there if you experiment with it.
- A myth about male masturbation is that you shouldn’t use anything other than you hand. While your hand might be doing the trick, adding some accessories can make the stimulation even more intense, and inspire more creativity with yourself, and with partners.
- Get a good quality personal lubricant. If it’s only for masturbation you can use something that’s oil based without worrying about condom compatibility. Oil based products are better because they won’t dry up.
- Add a sex toy into the mix. It might be a vibrator, a dildo, or a cock ring (if you’ve never tried one I recommend trying one on your own before you use it with a partner). Sex toys can add a completely new kind of stimulation, and accentuate the manual stimulation you're doing.