Creating a better sex life requires not only sexual action but sexual reflection. Use the ideas and questions below to guide you in reflecting on lesson two of the online course 9 Weeks to Better Sex.
This exercise asks you to reflect privately on your own sexual history. As you think about the questions below, don’t worry about whether or not you’re going to share this with your partner. If you can each complete the exercise and then share your answers that would be great, but it’s not necessary for the exercise to be valuable.
There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. They are meant to start you thinking only, not to evaluate your thoughts or feelings.
Questions:
- Write out some of your discoveries from the sexual anatomy exercise. Were there parts of your body you were surprised to discover had sexual feelings in them? Think about what from that exercise you are comfortable sharing with your partner and how best to share it with them.
- What are some of the lies you were told about sex? Are there things about sex you think might be lies but still believe in?
- What do you do when you masturbate? Do you fantasize? If so, are there fantasies you keep coming back to?
- Go through the sexual history you did and divide the answers into three lists; things you’d be comfortable telling your partner now, things you’d like your partner to know but aren’t ready to tell them, and things you’d never want to share with your partner. Ask them to do the sexual history and the three lists as well. Share what you’re both comfortable sharing. You can either do this by exchanging lists or talking.
- What’s the relationship in your sex life between masturbation and the sex you have with your partner? Do you find yourself masturbating (or wanting to masturbate) more or less depending on how often you’re having sex with your partner? Are there things about your masturbation that you want to bring into the bedroom with your partner?
