Reviewed: Solot, D. & Miller, M. I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide New York: Marlowe & Company, 2007.
The term “orgasmic imperative” sounds at once exciting and ominous. The idea that our own orgasms can come first (so to speak) and more broadly that pleasure is good and we’re worthy of feeling it, can be a revolutionary thought.
The dark side of the orgasmic imperative is the idea that we must have orgasms. That an orgasm is the “natural” conclusion to every sexual encounter and that without them we aren’t really having sex.
In their wonderful book I Love Female Orgasm authors Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller manage to cover a wide range of sexual subject matter, from the basics of first-time sex to esoteric Tantric practice, all focusing on female orgasm, without once making you feel bad if you aren’t having orgasms, or if your orgasms aren’t what you want them to be.
Solot and Miller (who may just be the cutest sex educator couple since Prok and Mac ,if you don’t believe me check out their website ) succeed precisely because they are such great sex educators. Like all great sex educators they know how to tell a story about sex, and they know how to start a conversation about sex, with anyone. So whoever you are, as you pick up this book you feel like you’ve stepped into the most entertaining and safe conversation about sexual pleasure you’ve ever had.
Their approach is both holistic (how many sex books get to the subject of death by page 3?) and inclusive. They do an admirable job of not letting language get between the reader and the material, and while I Love Female Orgasm won’t satisfy every reader equally, I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t benefit from some of its collective wisdom.
About the Book:
The design and layout of I Love Female Orgasm matches the author’s open and accessible writing style. Whether you’re looking for the short story or the long version about female orgasm, you’ll get something out of this book. There’s plenty of text; orgasm stories, orgasm facts, and step-by-step guides to orgasm through masturbation, oral sex, penetration, and more. But there are also short and sweet sidebars, graphs, tables, and illustrations that allow a reader to flip through and pick up orgasm trivia, tips and techniques without all the background information.In terms of its structure and content, I Love Female Orgasm covers familiar but important territory:
- Orgasm myths
- Sexual anatomy and response
- G-spot, female ejaculation, sex toys
- Masturbation, oral sex, vaginal & anal sex
- Contraception and STDs
More unique than what they say, is how they say it. From the opening pages the authors are personal and personable in a way that opens us up to learning more, without taking our attention away from our own experience. This book isn’t about what great orgasms the authors have and how we should be more like them. Instead they use self-disclosure like expert educators, inserting a personal story only when it serves the point.
More than anything the book benefits from the authors experience as sex educators and as seasoned performers. Throughout most of the book the text reads as if they are performing it. It’s engaging and you want to hear more. This conversational style also allows them to move seamlessly from one topic to the next. Tips on clitoral stimulation technique are followed by a section on dealing with experiences of sexual abuse. A few chapters later a brief section on simultaneous orgasms segues into a sidebar about sex and getting pregnant. Few books are able to cover this much ground and consistently hold your attention.
Solot and Miller are able to do this in large part because they make the book, and sex education, a conversation. Whether they’re writing back and forth about their own experiences, or offering sidebars like “eavesdropping on girl talk” the book is a reminder that the best sex information actively engages you, like any great conversation will.
