As the term itself implies, being a gender non-conforming child means that the way you feel, talk about, and/or present your gender doesn't conform with social and cultural expectations about how you should be behaving or presenting.
There are many different ways that the term gender non-conforming children is used. One of my favorites was related from a colleague who heard this definition from Kim Pearson, the executive director of TransYouth Family Allies: You know you have a gender non-conforming child when your family meets with resistance because of your child's gender.
What is important to note about this description is that being gender non-conforming isn't about having a problem with yourself—it's about society having a problem with you. Gender non-conforming children don't usually have difficulties until they encounter resistance (often significant and sometimes violent) from the outside world.
Psychologist Diane Ehrensaft, author of Gender Born, Gender Made (compare prices) distinguishes between a wide range of ways that children may express and experience gender, all of which are also embedded with aspects of how we, as adults, understand this expression. Among the terms she includes are gender-fluid children, gender hybrids, and gender non-conforming children, who she describes as "children who do not abide by the prescribed gender norms of their culture."
In 2012, Rainbow Health Ontario, a province-based Canadian organization that promotes LGBT health, created an excellent fact sheet on this topic. They prefer the term "gender independent children," and offer the following definition:
Gender independent children are those whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from what others expect of their assigned (natal) sex. Other terms used to describe these children include "gender non-conforming", "gender variant" "gender creative", "transgender" and in the case of Aboriginal children "two-spirited". These children are also often labeled as "sissies" or "tomboys".
Because gender and sexual orientation are separate, there isn't a direct relationship between being a gender non-conforming or gender independent child and growing up to be gay, straight, lesbian, or bisexual.
It also isn't at all clear that children who are gender independent or non-conforming grow up to be trans. What we know is that gender exploration is a predictable part of child development, and that for some people their gender identity and expression is quite fixed and remains the same, while for others it is more fluid and may change over time.
Read More:Rainbow Health Ontario: Supporting Gender Independent Children and Their Families
TransYouth Family Allies: Online Resources for Parents, Youth, Educators, and Practitioners (family resources available en español)
