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Stop Having Sex in the Dark

Sex Tips for the Rest of Us


Stop Having Sex in the Dark
John Lund/Drew Kelly/Blend Images/Getty Images

While no studies exist, it’s likely true that most of us have sex in the dark. I don’t mean this figuratively (although that may be true as well), I mean it literally. The romantics among us may light a candle or two, and those of us with tricky schedules or most our energy in the morning may not relate, but I think most people, whether by choice, insecurity, or habit, have sex with the lights off.

Sex shouldn't feel scary (unless you want it to) and forcing yourself to have sex with the lights on isn't a great sex tip, since forcing yourself to do anything isn't going to make for great sex.  But what this week's sex tip is about is asking yourself what it is you'd rather not see.  Is it your own body?  Your partner's body?  Is it the juicy or gritty parts of sex that you like the feel of, but suspect you wouldn't like it up close and personal.

Many of us who grew up after the introduction of home video got our first peek at sex through pornography.  Unfortunately porn, while it may be good for many things, isn't a good representation of what sex is actually like. And you might be surprised by your own reaction to sex with the lights on.

It might not feel comfortable at first, or even safe.  And if that's the case for you, one way of easing into it is start by having sex with yourself (aka masturbation) with the lights on, and just as importantly, with your eyes open.

Once you've tried that, take a chance and suggest turning the lights on with your partner.  It might seem silly if this is something you used to do, but don't any more. Like going backwards. But our sex lives don't only go in one direction, and there's an exciting role lighting can play in your sex life.

Whether you want to create an atmosphere of anarchy and revolution, a deserted sandy beach, or a high fashion photo shoot, lighting can add to elements of sexual fantasy, and it can also completely set the tone of a sexual encounter. You don’t need to buy expensive neon, and you don’t need to pay an electrician to discover the ways to better sex through lighting.

As always, have fun!

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