At the beginning of most sexual relationships the sex part is so new and exciting, that not much talk is required. This seems reasonable, but it isn’t really sustainable. If you find yourself in a long term committed relationship, eventually something is going to happen sexually that you aren’t happy with. Maybe it’s not enough sex, or too much of one kind of sex, or you just want the sexual relationship to go in a different direction. All these things require you to start talking with your partner.
Because we don’t always talk about sex openly with our partners, thoughts and feelings can build up and knowing where to start, or what to say, can feel like too much. If the relationship is loving, and you feel mostly satisfied, you may decide just to ignore the sex part.
This sex tip offers a way to begin opening up about your sexual feelings, thoughts, dreams, etc…
Pick one week where you and your partner commit to doing two things:
- Don’t have sex that week. Intimacy is okay, touching, hugging, kissing, but whatever kind of sex you regularly have, take a week off.
- Everyday have a five minute conversation about sex. It doesn’t have to be heavy, or deeply confessional, it doesn’t even have to be about you, but you commit to talking about sex for five minutes in private every day.
The idea is to put sex on the rotation in your regular conversations. We’re so used to talking about every other aspect of our relationships except the sex, and that, in part, is what makes talking about sex so difficult. If it becomes a daily topic of conversation eventually everyone has a better chance of speaking and being heard.