5. Think Outside Your Box
If you’re looking for bigger orgasms you need to think beyond your genitals. It’s not that the vulva, clitoris, penis, and scrotum aren’t key players in the orgasm orchestra, but your body is full of nerve endings just waiting to be aroused, and orgasms can come from unexpected places. Sometimes stimulating another part of your body while bringing yourself to orgasm can really change the way the orgasm feels. Next time you’re having sex, alone or with a partner, spend some time playing with other parts of your body. Don’t just think of this as foreplay, really concentrate on where feels good, and when you’ve found a spot, experiment with different intensities of stimulation.
6. Tense and Relax
When you have an orgasm, muscles throughout your entire body are engaged. But often during sexual arousal and orgasm, we unintentionally isolate parts of our body, and tense or relax only those parts. One way to build better orgasms is to start integrating your whole body into the experience, including your muscles. Start by taking note of those parts of your body where you feel muscle tension and relaxation before, during, and after orgasm. If you find yourself tensing up at the point of orgasm, try to use your breath to relax your muscles. If you find that only one part of your body tenses up, intentionally tense up another part and see how that feels during orgasm. Play with the tension of muscles by tensing up, holding for a few seconds, and then relaxing.
7. Good Fantasies and Bad Fantasies
Using fantasy to build better orgasms can be both a help and a hindrance. Fantasy is great if helps you “let go” and follow your erotic thoughts. If you’re someone who finds it hard to get aroused, fantasy can be a crucial first step. But some of us use fantasy as a way of staying outside our bodies and distracting ourselves from what we’re feeling. If you’re someone who relies on fantasy most of the time, you may want to experiment with not fantasizing and focusing on what your body is feeling. If you never allow yourself to fantasize then it may be time to give it a try and see how it can change the way your orgasms feel.
Read more about sexual fantasy.
8. Play With Toys
Sex toys, vibrators in particular, are often the easiest and fastest way to an orgasm, and the kinds of orgasms you have when you play with toys can feel very different. Sex toys are not essential for good sex or great orgasms, but they can be great both for the added stimulation they offer and for the way they remind us that sex is play. Using sex toys can also facilitate sexual fantasies, and if you’re using toys for penetration, it offers the chance to choose your size (something we don’t always get to do with our real life partners).
Learn more about choosing sex toys.
9. Get Wet
If store-bought sex toys aren’t your thing, try using water. Rushing water from a shower head or from a bathtub faucet offers strong and consistent stimulation that is very different from the stimulation of a hand, or rubbing against fabric or furniture and can result in a very different kind of orgasm. Try masturbating in the shower or bath. Playing in the tub is also an easy way to alleviate concerns about sex being too messy or wet, either alone or with a partner.
10. Check Your Health
If you’re just looking for a way to expand orgasms that you’re already happy with, it’s unlikely that there are any health concerns you need to consider. But if you are having difficulty experiencing orgasm or not feeling orgasms the way you used to, it could be the result of a medical condition or medication. While our sexual response is an intricate blend of mind and body, having a chec up and talking with your doctor about any concerns you have about sex is an important part of building better orgasms and taking responsibility for your sexual health and pleasure.
Find a sexual health clinic near you.
