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How To Have Orgasms Through Intercourse

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Updated May 16, 2014

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Intercourse offers lots of body contact, it can be incredibly intimate, and if you've got the right body parts, it's handy if you're trying to get pregnant. But the fact remains that intercourse is not a very effective way to have orgasms. There are a few people who easily orgasm through intercourse, but for most of us, having orgasms through intercourse involves some ingenuity, sexual knowledge and a few choice words now and then. But it can be done, and if it's what you want, read on.

Here's How:
  1. Understand the limitations of intercourse.
    For most of us orgasms come as a result of strong, consistent stimulation of body parts that feel good when touched. Some popular body parts are the penis, vulva, clitoris, perineum, anus and nipples. There are others, but let’s call those the Big 6. Traditional intercourse involves you and your partner rolling around, and the primary movement is someone’s hips and genitals thrusting. The fact is that this rarely produces enough stimulation for both partners to have an orgasm, and sometimes no one has one.

     

  2. Changing definitions.
    If you’re having vaginal intercourse with a man, the thrusting is often enough for him to have an orgasm. But while the penis gets a lot of stimulation, no matter how big or small it is, and no matter how vigorously it moves in and out of your body, it probably won’t be enough to give you an orgasm. If you want orgasms through intercourse you need to add something else to the mix; or thought of another way, you need to redefine intercourse.

     

  3. Step one: Have orgasms.
    If you can’t have them on your own or through other kinds of sex play it’s unlikely you’ll have them through intercourse. If you’re expecting to have an orgasm through the sheer magic of intercourse you will probably be disappointed. You need to start by knowing what gives you orgasms. Specifically what kind of stimulation (rubbing/pressure, hard/soft, fast/slow, or some combo) and where (not just “down there” be specific and find out what areas of your body produce the greatest amount of pleasure when stimulated). The easiest way to discover this is masturbation.

     

  4. Either do it yourself...
    If you know how to give yourself an orgasm it becomes much easier to incorporate that stimulation into intercourse. You can, of course, do this without talking to your partner if you don’t want to. This might mean using fantasy (which, by the way, isn’t cheating) or using your own hands to stimulate yourself during intercourse. It might mean finding a position where you’re getting stimulated the way you need to. What’s better and easier is to talk to your partner about it.

     

  5. ...Or talk to your partner.
    If you can agree that you want orgasms through intercourse and acknowledge that traditional intercourse tends to be more one way, you can start doing intercourse differently. If you’re a woman who needs more clitoral stimulation to orgasm, maybe your partner can provide some of that extra stimulation. If you’re a man and find that intercourse desensitizes you, maybe your partner can add more subtle or more intense stimulation. If you can think of intercourse not as one of you doing something to the other, but as a team effort the rewards may be more evenly handed out.

     

  6. Let your fingers (or hands, wrists, elbows, etc…)do the talking.
    Experiencing orgasms through intercourse isn’t rocket science. For most people it just means adding more manual stimulation. As long as you can reach and you’ve got the dexterity, using your hands to add stimulation is often more than enough. If you’re not sure what exactly to do with your hands you can read up on how to give a woman a handjob and how to give a man a handjob.

     

  7. Experiment with sex positions.
    Even the best sex position won’t guarantee orgasms through penetration without other stimulation, but for some people in some cases it can make the difference. If you're having intercourse in a sex position that’s uncomfortable or painful it will reduce your chances of having an orgasm. A good sex position will let you feel direct stimulation wherever you like it most. For example, if you like a lot of clitoral stimulation through pressure, a position where your body is pressed tightly against your partner and includes a lot of grinding might be best.

     

  8. Sex toys for added stimulation.
    Vibrators are a great way of adding stimulation to intercourse and boosting the chances of an orgasm through intercourse. Some vibrators are worn around the waist and provide clitoral stimulation during penetration. There are others that are worn on the hand, so you can touch any area and have instant vibration. Wand style vibrators, like the Hitachi Magic Wand, are great for couples and fit easily between two bodies. There are also vibrating rings that can be worn by a man (or at the base of a dildo).

     

  9. Mix it up in the middle.
    Don’t think of intercourse as something that begins and can’t end until an orgasm (or exhaustion) happens. You can switch from intercourse to oral sex or from intercourse to mutual masturbation, or something else entirely. Intercourse is just one way to have sex and there are no rules about the order in which you do things. If you really want to have orgasms through intercourse you may want to get yourself right to the point of orgasm some other way and then finish off with intercourse.
     
  10. Come first and come later.
    If you’re fixed on the idea of having an orgasm through intercourse you may begin to worry about whether or not it will happen while you’re having sex. This is a huge turn off and in most cases reduces your chances of having an orgasm. One way to deal with this is to try to have an orgasm first before you move to intercourse. If you’re someone who generally only has one orgasm this may not work for you, but lots of people can have more than one and as long as you’ve got the time for going for two, you may find that having a quick orgasm to start with takes a lot of the pressure off.

     

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