The media (and many mental health professionals) love a boogey man, and when it comes to sex, technology is the devil of the day. The question about whether technology is ruining sex is obviously one with no single answer. For some, technology has made sex more available and more meaningful. For others, technology may lead fewer opportunities for sex with others and less engagement when opportunities present themselves.
When you think about this question a little, it becomes apparent that your answer depends on what you think the most important parts of sex are.
Let’s take an example that doesn’t have to do with sex. Some people suggest that technology (specifically email and texting) is ruining written communication. Turning us into semi-literate boors who can’t put a complete sentence together.
If you think written communication is about respect for particular traditional linguistic forms, there is pretty clearly an argument that these technologies are having a negative impact on written communication.
But if your focus is how quickly and effectively you can communicate information, it could be argued that these technologies have greatly improved written communication.
So the answer to this question depends on what you think written communication is, or should be, for.
The same applies, more or less, for sex.
If the goal of sex is penile-vaginal intercourse (a common sex myth) then you could say that some technologies (like Viagra) make sex more effective. And technologies that let us easily find a partner with similar sexual interests in our geographic area also improve sex.
But if the goal of sex is to feel pleasure or express something personal about yourself to someone else, the benefits of technology become less straightforward. Some technology may help in these efforts and others may get in the way.
All of this is to say that before you can answer for yourself whether technology is ruining or improving sex, you need to think about what “sex” means to you, what you want it to mean, and where and how technology intersects with those meanings.
