If you were God what are three things you would do to make the world a better place for sexuality?
1. I'd take a close look at religion and wonder if it really represents me as God, or if the God that humans have created isn't something that attempts to fix the frightened or broken parts of themselves. And I'd wonder if their version of God keeps them from getting a handle on the bigger picture, which isn't about heaven or hell or any of that nonsense.
2. I'd dare all the other gods to come up with a better invention than the human genitals.
3. I'd initiate a swap program, where I'd take the guilt and shame of the people who have too much of it and give it to the people who don't have enough of it.
With The Guide to Getting it On, you've defied the mainstream publishing industry both by being a highly successful self-publisher and by having a title that still sells well after 11 years. How do you think you've managed these two feats?
Very few self-publishers and small publishers survive, and for those that do, you'll often find some deep pockets that are bankrolling the operation. I was willing to work full time on it, to hock everything I owned, and to beg for and borrow the rest. There was a huge learning curve, and it took an incredible amount of time, willpower, endurance and energy.
As for creating a title that still sells, each new edition has outsold the prior edition, and we're on edition number five. But I also spend more than a year of 60 hour-weeks on each new edition, which is more than a lot of authors spend on their first editions. So each new edition has been quite an evolution over the edition before it. In fact, this fifth edition is the first time I've ever been happy with the book. I feel it's finally able to stand on its own, but it's been a long time coming.
Last question: What’s your favorite sex tip?
It's pretty simple and yet one of the hardest things on the planet for many of us -- to be able to talk to your partner or partners about your sexual self, and about what feels good and what doesn't.
Now maybe this is easier at the start, when the two of you are dripping with lust and your partner's annoying habits are but a tiny glimmer in the distant horizon, but it can sure be a challenge as your relationship matures, I think in part because sex isn't just about sex. It increasingly becomes about your relationship.
For instance, and this is just one of a gazillion possible examples--let's say that in a relationship one of your biggest needs is to have a partner who is predictable, trustworthy and rock solid. At the same time, what turns you on sexually is unpredictability and the kind of erotic tension that goes with a partner who's a little bit bad and who can suddenly walk through the door and arouse all of the animal passions in you. These two needs can easily become at odds with each other, and it can take a lot of work to allow both possibilities to exist within the same partner, especially over time.
