Robert "B.J." Jackson enlisted in the Iowa National Guard when he was 19. Four years later, he was deployed to Iraq. On August 7, 2003 -- his first day off in over a month -- the Humvee that B.J. was driving through Baghdad hit a landmine. B.J. was severely burned and as a result of his injuries he lost both his legs below the knees. B.J. and his wife Abby live in Des Moines, Iowa with their three children (with a fourth on the way). Abby works in residential homes for people with developmental disabilities and B.J. is a national spokesperson for the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes.
People who haven’t ever had a disability or who don’t know anyone who is disabled usually have so many expectations and attitudes about disability and what it’s like. Did you guys have that, and how did you deal with it?
B.J.:One of my good friends who was with me in the hospital who Abby talked to a lot before I woke up was a one leg amputee, and one of his biggest things was how was he going to get a girlfriend. He was really down on himself about it. His whole mental thought was, look I’m 22 years old, I’m not married, I don’t have a girlfriend, I’m in the hospital, I’m a burn patient, I’m an amputee, whose going to want to go out with me? Today he’s married with a kid, he’s a stay at home dad.
You really have to get over the mindset. Disabilities in today’s world are looked at differently than they were 5 or 10 years ago. They’re more visible, not only from this war. You hear on the news stuff that many years ago you wouldn’t even think of hearing in a conversation with someone in your town. It’s more out there.
Abby:Everyone gets so concerned with how you do this or how you do that and assume things won’t be so great. But really they are. My husband and my sex life is great. I think the problem is one that society has. I think they end up with the problem, where they’re trying to compare their sex lives to yours, so mine has to be better than yours, my relationship has to be stronger because I can walk around or I have this “normalcy” about us. And really I think that makes people less fortunate than us because we’re very aware of what we have. Ever since B.J.’s injury, not because he lost his legs but because we thought we almost lost him, our relationship is stronger. There are still challenges to come but I think as long as we stick by each other and face them together we’ll be fine.
B.J.: When I was first out of the hospital my brother was with me and he always joked around about the saying “take a picture it lasts longer.” So he bought a Polaroid camera and when we were out he’d just hand it to people who stared. His message was that it’s easier to just ask the question. I’ll answer anything you want to know. A lot of people with disabilities might not be so open but I think for a lot of service members they would rather answer the questions and not get stared at like they’re a freak show or something.
Abby:I think as hard as it may seem at the time, you have to block out that outside influence. At first it’s so overwhelming. Once you get out and into the public it’s more of a sympathy thing. The thought behind it is great, but sometimes you get that feeling that they’re just doing this because you’re in a wheelchair as opposed to doing it because of what you stand for. We get that a lot. Or there are the moms who say to their kids “Shh, don’t point at his legs.”
B.J.:I put cartoons on my legs to give kids the opportunity to focus on the cartoons and break the ice. I’ll say hey do you like this cartoon. And then you can get into the fact that people are different and things happen, and you’ve got different medical issues and you’ve got brown hair and I’ve got blonde hair. That kind of opens that whole realm of answering questions. We want to let parents know that it’s okay to ask questions and we get to educate their kids at the same time.
Abby: But are parents telling their kids to “shh” because its something they are afraid their child will experience in life or are they telling them to “shh” because they themselves are embarrassed. I don’t think it bothers B.J. as much as it bothers me but I think when people are really timid about that it makes me question society today. Kids are so truthful and completely honest. And I think when you take the opportunity to teach them something you have to think; are you teaching them just to look the other way, or are you teaching them that this is neat. I think that as a new soldier or service member that’s coming back if they can take that time and maybe not “shh” themselves and look the other way, but take the time to teach somebody. I hope that’s what me and B.J. do. Because that’s our goal; to not be “shh.”
Read the complete interview with B.J. and Abby Jackson.
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