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Gay Sex Toys

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Updated July 06, 2011

Sometimes when I'm browsing sex shop websites and see a category called gay sex toys I get confused. Does it mean the sex toys are gay? What makes a sex toy gay in the first place?

Of course I quickly realize that it's not the toys that retailers are describing but the customers. There are plenty of sex shops that target only gay men. nd then there are sex shops that want all the customers, and try to attract gay men by putting a circle around a group of sex toys and telling customers they are ideal if you identify as gay.

There's nothing wrong with targeting a particular demographic (well, actually, if you want to engage in an analysis of capitalism, there is PLENTY wrong with it, but that's a different article for a different website). But if you consider that the goal of using a sex toy is to feel pleasure, there are actually several things wrong with choosing sex toys based on sexual identity or orientation.

Merely a Marketing Ploy

The most obvious problem is that not all gay men have sex the same way. Suggesting a sex toy is good for gay men usually means imposing an agenda on what gay sex looks like. The only people who should have a say in creating that agenda are the ones who are having sex. So, for example, gay sex toys usually include anal sex toys. Some gay men like anal sex, others do not. Not all gay men have anal sex.

Another way that gay sex toys is understood is that they should be sex toys that can be used by two penises. Again, this might be true some of the time, but it won't be true all of the time and may never be true for you. Gay men may be single, and looking for a sex toy to use on their own. Gay men may also not have the kind of penis "male sex toys" are made for. Not all gay men's bodies will be the same, and when it comes to pleasure, you shouldn't be buying a toy that requires you to conform to it, you should be buying a sex toy that works for you as you are.

For the most part the idea of gay sex toys is a marketing ploy. Retailers usually just pack that section with butt plugs, penis sleeves, and anal lube that they sell in every other section of their site or shop. Shopping in that section won't necessarily mean you don't get what you want. But it almost always means that you are allowing someone else to limit your options, which in turn may limit the potential for sexual pleasure.

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