“I’ve just started having sex with this really great guy but I’m having a major problem with the size of his dick. Basically it’s gigantic. I haven’t measured it but it’s longer and wider than anything I’ve seen. I was totally shocked because he’s kind of short and he’s not that buff or anything, he’s actually pretty skinny. The first time we had sex it was okay, although I was sore the next day and then got a urinary tract infection which meant no sex for a while. Now I guess I’m a bit nervous every time we try, but I’m completely into him. Can you help?”
There are many drawbacks to our culture’s obsession with penis size. The very real problems experienced by men with big penises -- and by their partners -- are often minimized.
It can be a struggle to make things fit, and you’re not alone in this dilemma, although few people talk about it for fear of sounding like they're bragging. The truth is that it’s hard to be on either end of the normal penis size distribution, because everything is set up for most of us in the middle.
The good news is that there are things you can do to make it work, and what follows is a little gentle guidance. The first thing I’d want to know is whether the length or the width is causing problems for you. A long penis can hurt because during penetration it can hit the cervix. A wide penis may feel like its stretching you too much and it can also lead to more bacterial infections if it’s rubbing (and irritating) your urethra. Below are suggestions for dealing with both size issues, but it’s worth taking a moment to size up your problem in greater detail (I promise that’s the last pun in this article).
Are you aroused enough?
As part of
female sexual response, arousal brings with it physical changes that will help deal with a bigger penis. In particular, most women will produce vaginal lubrication, and as arousal increases their vagina will expand. If you’re used to intercourse with a partner who has a small or medium-sized penis, you may have been able to comfortably have penetration before you were fully turned on. If you’re partner is bigger you may need to wait until you’re very aroused, mentally and physically, before moving to penetration. Adding more clitoral stimulation (or wherever you know you’re most easily aroused) or using a
vibrator can be a fun and effective way to make sure your body is as ready as your mind is.
Add lube
If you haven’t already discovered the joys of
lubricant, now is the time. These days there are dozens of different brands of lube (organic, sugar-free, espresso-flavored, etc.), and they all make sex more comfortable and fun by making it more slippery. Some women say they don’t “need” lube because they lubricate a lot on their own. If you’re having intercourse with someone with a big penis using extra lube is always recommended. Experiment with a few different kinds to see if a thicker or thinner lube is best for you, and if you’re already prone to yeast infections, avoid
lubricants with glycerin.
Recommended sex positions
If one or both of you are constantly worried that a wrong move is going to cause pain, the sex will suffer.
Sex positions are another way to deal with discomfort due to a partner who has a large penis. The best sex position will be one that allows both of you control over the depth and
angle of penetration and offers as much movement as possible. Avoid positions that allow for deep penetration (e.g.,
rear entry sex position) and favor positions that give you more control. There’s no easy answer here, since something like the
woman on top position does allow you to control the depth of penetration, but doing so becomes a workout for your legs. The
missionary position gives the person doing the penetrating control over the depth of thrusting, but if you’re the one on the bottom there’s no much you can do. The key is to experiment until you find a few that work well.
Products for longer penises
There are actually products you can buy in sex stores that are designed with the longer penis in mind. Often called “limiters” or sometimes sold as “donuts” for penis pumps these are essentially a think ring of soft rubber or vinyl that slides down the base of the penis and limits the length that will enter the vagina during intercourse. They can seem a bit silly at first, but if your intercourse is fraught with anxiety about one thrust too deep, the freedom they allow can be wonderful.
One last word ... condoms
Finding condoms that fit well is a problem for most men. Finding condoms that fit at all can be a major health concern for men who have exceptionally big penises (and their sexual partners). There are a variety of larger size condoms available and it’s worth experimenting with them all until you find one that is comfortable and large enough not to break. Men who complain about condoms not fitting may also want to have their partners try the
female condom to see if it’s a preferred option.
