Sex educators (myself included) like to talk about how anything sexual can be considered to be sex. Kissing is sex, touching is sex, and intercourse is sex. This raises an interesting question when we talk about people who have sex in public. After all, while most people would probably agree that oral sex or anal sex in the middle of the day in a public park is an example of sex in public, how many people would consider kissing in a restaurant or bar a form of public sex?
Where’s the line between public displays of affection and sex in public?
It seems to me there are several variables to consider. The kind of activity you’re engaged in counts in some way. Certainly the extent of nudity is a factor in judging the situation. But I don’t think either of these alone provides clear guidance. While we may all have our own private definitions of sex, when we’re talking about sex in public it means that we have to take into account others definitions of sex too. So the sexual mores of the locale you’re in must be a factor. Once you begin to unpack these questions it becomes clear that what constitutes sex in public may require less of a checklist and more of a complicated algorithm of exposure.
There are legal definitions of sex in public but I would argue that if you’re interested in learning more about your own sexuality and exploring sexual pleasure, the law is almost always the wrong place to turn (barring those with legal fetishes, pun intended).
Instead I’d suggest that this is a perfect question to use as a way of exploring your own values and desires. Start by making your own list of everything you would count as sex in public vs. public displays of affection. As you make the list imagine the activities that you’d consider doing yourself and think others would count as sex in public, but also what activities you would see others doing that you’d consider sex in public. Does it depend on who’s doing it? If you’re currently having sex with someone you trust, maybe you could each make lists and share them. It may or may not lead to you actually having sex in public, but that’s not the point, it will definitely lead to some funny if not important discoveries.
