To answer this question, I want to re-frame it first. When you talk about “making” two people sexually compatible, it sounds like you’re assuming there is this external thing called “compatibility” and if you both do the right thing, say the right thing, or move the right way, you'll just "click" together and stay that way. In this scenario, you and your partner are like fixed objects, pieces in a puzzle, and the “trick” is to find out if and how you can fit together. I don’t think this is how it works.
Instead, I would suggest thinking of each person in the relationship as coming to the relationship with many possible sexual interests and desires. We’re not like discrete pieces of a puzzle, we’re more like amorphous blobs. We may have discernible outlines, but they are fluid and flexible and constantly moving (in my mind it looks like the style of animation on Dr. Katz). We know what some of our interests and desires are, but many more remain a mystery even to ourselves.
In this vision of sexual compatibility, there’s no “trick.” The goal is to feel safe and comfortable and reveal yourself to your partner, slowly learning more about them and about yourself. Never forgetting the fact that each of you contains mysteries of desire and eroticism waiting to be revealed.
I still think there’s such a thing as sexual compatibility, not every blob can be comfortable oozed to every other blob. But if you accept my vision even briefly, then you can begin to see how the idea of compatibility is complicated, and may or may not reveal itself immediately.
If you’re in a so-so or bad relationship and you don’t feel sexually compatible, I wouldn’t suggest sticking around in the hopes that something might happen. On the other hand, if you’re in a good relationship that you want to stay in but it feels like the sexual aspects of your relationship aren’t clicking, it may be about compatibility or it might be about something else. If the relationship is worth it, you might want to stick around and see what sorts of change are possible.
If you want to know, you'll have to take some risks and ask yourselves and each other some pointed questions about what sexual compatibility means to you.
