How Long Does Sex Last?

Question: How Long Does Sex Last?

“I have a very simple question and haven’t been able to find an answer on line. What’s the normal amount of time sex lasts for? I’ve heard stories from both my guy and my girl friends about having sex all night long, or all day long. What none of my friends know (because I haven’t told them) is that technically I’m still a virgin. I’m not that freaked out about having sex, but I like to know what I’m getting into, and I’d feel better if I knew how long I’m supposed to last for.”

Answer:

The question is simple, answering it is hard. First off, what do you mean by the length of sex? Do you mean:

• How long from the first kiss to when you fall asleep, or put your clothes back on?
• How long from the moment you think :hey, I’d like to have sex right now”?
• How long should you spend performing oral sex on your partner (or how long you can expect to receive it)?
• How long does penetration last for? And is it vaginal penetration or anal penetration?

Quickly a simple question turns into dozens of other questions, and sadly no answer.

Researchers have certainly tried to look at the “average” amount of time people have sex, although often this research is done in the context of premature ejaculation, so the framing of the question is usually “how short” rather than “how long”. Much of this research, in my opinion is flawed. First of all, there’s no telling how having a stopwatch in bed with you changes the way you have sex (researchers will sometimes ask couples to literally time their intercourse on a stopwatch). Secondly, studying one relatively flat aspect of sexual activity (length of time) says so little about what’s actually going on in bed.

The best answer I can give you is that good sex lasts for however long the people who are doing it want it to last for. If you only have time for a quickie, then three minute sex is perfect. If you’re on vacation and you’ve got nothing but time, spending all night having different kinds of sex may be what’s ideal.

Also, how long sex lasts very likely changes not only from sexual encounter to sexual encounter, but over time. I know the sex I had in my early twenties was very different than the sex in my late thirties.

To address the “all night long” part of your question, it’s worth mentioning that having sex “all night long” doesn’t mean having penetrative intercourse all night long. Couples may spend hours in bed together, but usually sex play happens and then there are breaks, and then it happens again. The idea that people are engaging in one behavior (oral sex, penetration, kissing, etc…) for hours on end without a break isn’t likely. For a more entertaining take on these issues, I recommend the hilarious-because-its-true music video playing now on YouTube.