“I’m a 37 year old woman who has just started a relationship with a much younger guy. He’s super hot, and I love his body, and most of the sex is good, but he cums way too quickly. He knows it, and we’ve finally talked about it, but I don’t know how to help him with it. Most of my boyfriends haven’t had this problem, but some have. How can he learn to last longer, and how come guys don’t just learn to control ejaculation?
The fact is we still don’t know what causes premature ejaculation. It is likely the result of many factors. And many people are misinformed as to what premature ejaculation actually is. The good news is that there are several ways to learn to control ejaculation.
In terms of the why guys don’t just “naturally” learn to control ejaculation, there’s probably several reasons.
Evolutionary psychologists would say that the goal of sex is procreation and therefore there’s no reason to prolong it. And it's true that we may be the first animals to want to prolong erections to prolong penetrative sex play (even though we aren’t the only animals to like having sex, or to make it a creative act). Not that I'm suggesting we listen to the evolutionary psychologists on this one.
A more simple answer is that no one teaches young men to control ejaculation. Children are taught to learn the signs of other reflexes. We teach them how to control urination for example. But when it comes to teaching young men ejaculatory control, I don’t think you’ll find it in even the most progressive sexual health curriculums.
Another possibility is that most men’s earliest sexual experiences are with masturbation (or even partner sex) done secretly and quickly, for fear of discovery. It is thought that these early experiences may condition some men’s sexual response to a pattern of rapid ejaculation.
