Writing about sex positions online is an unsatisfying task. It's not that people don't have questions. They do. They ask me about the newest sex positions, the most common sex positions, the best sex positions. They want to know about oral sex positions, anal sex positions, positions to use during pregnancy, to reduce pain, and more.
The problem with these questions is that the answer is always the same: that depends. Our bodies are weird and unique, and the way we experience pleasure in them is completely idiosyncratic. This means no one can really tell you the best position for you and the only way you can find out more about sex positions, is to bring the creativity you have in other parts of your life, into the sexual arena, and start exploring.
Bringing that creativity into the bedroom (or closet, or wherever you are having sex) is a real struggle for many of us. So if you're feeling in a rut, or aren't even sure where to start, here are the six key elements that you can play with for any sex position.
Tip #1 - Find the Right Physical Position
Sex always involves some movement (even if it's minor, even if it's only our eyes), but we tend to think about sex positions as only being about the obvious physical positioning of bodies in space and in relation to each other. If most of what you've learned about sex is from Hollywood and pornography, you may think that there are only 3 or 4 positions your body can be in when having sex. But you'd be wrong.
Tip #2 - Explore Different Movements for Different Positions
Physical positioning has a lot to do with comfort, which is key to a good position. But movement is where stimulation comes alive Each physical position will facilitate a certain kind of movement, and finding the best position for you depends in part on what kind of movement you're in the mood for.
Tip #3 - Adjust the Angle of Penetration
Sex positions may not be a science, but there is some geometry involved! If your sex play involves some body part (or toy) going into some other body part, one way of changing up your position is to change the angle of penetration. This can have a huge influence on both what parts of your bodies get stimulated and how that stimulation feels.
Tip #4 - Bring Your Arms and Legs into the Act
We are taught about sex as if it is only a meeting of genitals. Sex is much more than intercourse, and even if intercourse is your preferred main event, bringing your whole body to the position can radically alter how you feel having sex and how the sex feels.
Tip #5 - Feel the Rhythm
Forget about penis size, forget about sculpted bodies and perfectly quaffed hair. If there's no rhythm to your sex, every position is going to disappoint. But each position and each coupling has its own rhythm, you've just got to feel it.
Tip #6 - Measure Speed and Pacing
Another casualty of too much porn watching is a lack of awareness of the speed and pace of a sexual encounter and position. Some positions are perfect for a speedy and pounding encounter, others are better for a slow burn. Knowing which is which for you and your partner can take some practice.
By following the links above you can read a lot more about these six elements, but it's important to remember that any sex position is really an amalgamation of all six of these factors. One of the things that makes sex positions a pretty funny thing to think about or get into is that ultimately you've got (at least) two bodies moving often in different ways.
Hollywood may make sex look like a ballet, but in reality it's usually a little more chaotic. Which is to say that an essential element of all of these factors is that you are coming to sex with a sense of joy and at least a little sense of humor. They may be the only two universal requirements for good sex.
For more inspiration, check out our complete list of sex position profiles.