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Sexual Role Play Tip

Choosing a Sexual Fantasy Role that Feels Right.


Picking a sexual fantasy role that clicks with you is key to good sex fantasy role play. Clichés that have no meaning make it difficult to get into character. Transforming yourself into a cowboy or candy striper only happens when you can buy into the fantasy yourself (hats, boots, and candy don’t hurt either).

Start by doing some homework. Here are some places to get ideas for sexual fantasy roles:

  1. Think back to old movies you loved, or rent some you’ve never seen. Cleopatra may not feel right to you, but Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra may fit like a glove.

  2. Comic books and stories from when you were a kid. From superman to the big bad wolf, from Porky Pig to one or more of the three blind mice, the stories that stay with us from our childhood usually have deep resonance that we can play with as adults.

  3. Famous and infamous historical figures. Margaret Thatcher might not be on the top of most people’s lists, but as Marie Antoinette you'll have them eating more than just cake.

  4. Psychological archetypes can take you deeper into fantasy sex role play. They aren’t specific people, but taking on the role of the bully, the angel, a god, or a servant can leave room for plenty of imaginative filling in the blanks.

  5. Rock stars, celebrities, everyday heroes. Most of us have fantasized about sex with someone famous. Keeping those fantasies for private solo sex is great. But there’s nothing wrong with incorporating them into fantasy sex role play with a partner. You also don’t have to rely solely on the rich and famous. A good Samaritan or the guy who fixed your cable last week; anyone you aren’t becomes a potential role for you.

Other Ideas on Choosing a Sexual Role

  • It’s a fantasy, so you can push some boundaries. Try not to pick roles that too closely resemble the regular sex roles you and your partner(s) play out. As much as you can, be experimental, outlandish, take some risks.
  • Don’t be species-ist with your sexual fantasy roles. Your sexual role play may not be a person at all. Maybe one night you want to be an alien, or a pony, or an inanimate object (well…you need to be a bit animate).
  • Remember, it’s a fantasy. Try not to feel embarrassed or ashamed of the roles you want to explore. Wanting to play a bank robber doesn’t mean you are one (or want to be one in real life). Leave reality on the floor with your day clothes.

Published April 8, 2006.

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