Fantasy sexual role play can be very exposing, which makes it both hot and a little scary. Laying down ground rules is essential to creating a space that will feel safe.
Some of these rules follow common sense and common courtesy, others will be unique to you and your partner(s). Here are some basic rules that everyone should be willing to adhere to:
- No laughing at your partner for something they say or do.
- Avoid judgment. There is nothing wrong with having preferences, and youll never be okay with everything someone wants to do, but everyone should learn to say no without putting someone down.
- Anyone can stop a scene at any time. Fantasy sexual role play can be intense, and it can bring up feelings that may be surprising. Its important to remember that its a game, and the point is to have fun, and if either person isnt feeling okay at any point they need to be able to stop everything and have their needs attended to.
Here are some questions to consider regarding ground rules and boundaries for fantasy sexual role play:
- What kind of sex do you want to have? Are there some things you dont want to do in a role play, or other things you would only want to do when dressed up as someone else?
- How can you let your partner know if things arent going okay or if you need to take a break. Work out a sign or word that you can use to check in with each other.
- How far are you willing to take the role play? Are you comfortable letting it flow without a set ending, or do you want to agree beforehand on how the scene will finish up?
- If youre feeling nervous or awkward with the idea of fantasy role play, but youd like to try it, what do you need to feel more comfortable? Can you ask your partner for what you need?
If these questions make you anxious at all, or you feel like you cant talk to your partner about these issues, fantasy role play may not be right for you at this time. Getting to be someone else for a few hours, and have sex as these other people, can be an exciting experience, but in the end you need to feel good about the person youre with after the clothes and fake moustaches come off.
Published April 10, 2006.