Contrary to what you may have been taught - and what you will see if you look at mainstream pornography - an erection is not necessary for sex. If you are one of the many people whose sex lives don't involve a flesh-and-blood penis, this is not news to you. But it remains a bit of a head scratcher for the millions more who either have a penis or like to have sex with someone who has a penis.
This is not surprising when you consider that everything, everywhere and practically everyone - from your doctor to your religious leader to your favorite celebrity - talks about sex as if it means intercourse and talks about intercourse as something that requires an erection.
But it's not true. Sex, even wild, hot, lose-your-mind sex can happen with no penis or a soft penis. If you fit the above category of "likes a penis to be there when I have sex," then read on.
There are lots of reasons why a penis might go soft or might not get hard to begin with. Whatever the reason, if your goal is to have pleasurable sex, there's no reason why a soft penis has to get in the way. Actually, it can be an asset.
Of course, there are plenty of sexual activities that don't require a penis at all. But if you want the penis to be part of the fun, here are several ways to play with a soft penis.
StuffingAs the name suggests, stuffing refers to inserting a soft or flaccid penis into the vagina. In order to do this you literally have to stuff it in there (gently of course). Some people, on both ends, find this a unique and pleasurable sensation. Once inside people will often grind their bodies together to create movement and more stimulation. Others just enjoy the feeling of tightness around a soft penis and the feeling of having something inside you that is soft and malleable.
HandjobsMany of the basic handjob tips apply whether the penis is firm or soft. But here are a few tips if you are using your hands to play with a soft penis.
Fingertips. Unless your partner's penis is soft from overstimulation, you should approach the soft penis with the gentlest of touches. One way to do this is to use only your fingertips at first. Pay attention to what happens as you pet, stroke and tap different parts of the penis and scrotum. Notice how some parts feel firmer and other parts feel squishier.
Cupping. Some people like the feeling of being cupped or contained. Large or small, the nice thing about a soft penis is that it's malleable and easy to fit in one or two hands.
Lift and Separate. A soft penis has a lot more give to it. One way to provide stimulation is not to just rub or stroke it, but to actually move the different parts around. With one hand make a kind of ring shape with your thumb and forefinger and wrap that right around the scrotum. While holding onto the penis with your other hand, gently tug downwards, away from the shaft of the penis. And again gently, bring both hands away from your partner's body so you are pulling their penis away and apart.
Perineum. Extend your reach to include the perineum, which is the area between the scrotum and the anus. This is a highly responsive area for most people. You can run your fingers up and down the area, you can use your fingertips to tap, you can also massage the area. In fact, pushing firmly up into the body is a way of providing external prostate stimulation.
Avoid the Up and Down. The long stroking motion that is usually used in a handjob isn't going to do much and probably won't feel very good with a soft penis. Your partner might like more active moments; in that case experiment with different ways to play with the penis. You can roll it back and forth in two hands, you can squeeze and release while holding it in your hand, etc.
Use Lube If you want to use more active stimulation, adding a personal lubricant is probably a good idea. Lube makes everything slicker, and people often report feeling more sensitive (or at least being more aware of stimulation) when they are using lubricant. Having said that, playing with a very small penis that's also soft can be more difficult if everything is so slippery. Some people will prefer the feeling of friction and rubbing, and lube reduces the friction.
BlowjobsAs with handjobs, much of what you know about oral sex can be applied to your standard soft penis. Unless the penis is soft immediately following an ejaculation or numb from overstimulation, remember that the nerve endings are still there, and the tactile and psychological thrill of being vulnerable can be as intense with a soft penis as it is with an erection.
You may have to use your hands more to isolate the shaft or scrotum since a soft penis can kind of fold into itself. Of course one benefit of performing fellatio on a soft penis is that with very few exceptions, you don't have to worry about your gag reflex or it being too big. In fact oral sex with a soft penis provides an opportunity for much more aggressive play without hurting yourself.
You can play with suction, either with part or all of your partner's penis in your mouth. Consider the classic "hummer" move, where you actually hum a tune, thereby creating a pleasant modulated vibration in your mouth. This can be very pleasurable. If your goal is to move from a soft penis to a hard one, you might want to avoid stimulating the perineum or the prostate. Even though both of these can be very pleasurable they can also lead to an erection getting softer or disappearing altogether.
Our bodies are capable of producing stimulation in countless ways. Someone with a soft penis is hardly at a disadvantage if you want that person to make you feel pleasure - that is, unless you insist that the only way you can feel pleasure is with an erection.
This goes for the person with the soft penis as well. You can both give and receive pleasure in literally thousands of other ways. But you need to be open to this and not be stuck on the idea that to feel good, or make someone else feel good, you need an erection.
Think about that for a bit. What are your favorite ways to be stimulated? Do they all involve an erection or even a penis? For some the answer will be yes. For most the answer is probably no. So, with or without an erection, any penis owner can turn you on and make you feel good. And with or without an erection, if you want to reciprocate, the world, and even his penis, is your oyster.