If you're already making a mental list of New Year's resolutions about your health, your finances, and how you're going to deal with family stress differently next holiday season, why not put sexuality on the list. Often overlooked and undervalued as a "luxury", our sexuality isn't just something that happens 1.4 times a week under the covers, its part of who we are. Make some New Year's sexual resolutions, and set a different sexual tone for 2006.
New Year's Sexual Resolution #1: Integrate Your Sexual Self
Many of us tend to compartmentalize our sexual selves. We try to remove sex from the rest of our identity (so sex becomes merely a thing we do, not all the things we are) and we draw artificial boundaries around our sexual desires. We deny long held sexual fantasies, we act in certain ways because it is what we think is expected of us.
But sexuality is who we are, and no matter how hard we try to deny sexual aspects of ourselves we might consider embarrassing or unseemly, sexuality is one of the life forces that touches all aspects of who we are; our mind, our body and our spirit. Decide to take some time in the new year to become more aware of the ways that your sexual mind, sexual body, and sexual spirit, act in harmony, and how tapping into those connections can open up new sexual possibilities in 2006. It's not as flakey as it sounds!
New Year's Sexual Resolution #2: Speak Your Sexual Mind
In his passionate book, The Politics of Lust author and sex activist John Ince describes our culture as one that is "sexphobic". In his estimation, we are raised not only to be embarrassed or ashamed of our sexuality, but to actually fear sex itself. He makes a convincing argument (much better than my little description suggests) and the evidnce can be seen in the ways that many of us avoid speaking our sexual minds.
Whether it's telling a partner we love to be spanked, or telling our spouse about a painful time in our sexual past; whether it's telling a parent that we don't plan on getting married because we like having multiple partners, or telling a best friend that you've always wanted them in a less than platonic way, in the new year, consider the ways you might be able to give voice to the thousands of sexual thoughts you have each day, and experience some of the awesome and empowering results of speaking your sexual mind. More ideas on talking about sex.
New Year's Sexual Resolution #3: Share a Few of Your Sexual Secrets
One of the drawbacks of not speaking your mind (see resolution #2) is that most of us carry around any number of sexual secrets. Some of these we hold dear and enjoy the thrill of the secrecy, other secrets are ones that feel too painful to share, but that we might benefit greatly from speaking out loud. Consider taking stock of your current inventory of sexual secrets, and sharing a few this new year with people who are worthy of them.
If you don't know who to trust, or nervousness, guilt, anxiety, or shame are holding you back, but you want to take a first step, check out the brilliant PostSecret blog, where you can anonymously submit secrets that will then be shared with the world.
