1. People & Relationships
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

How To Give a Handjob to a Woman

By

How To Give a Handjob to a Woman
Matt Henry/Stone/Getty Images

The term handjob is usually reserved for something you do to with a man's body. But there aren’t any great terms for pleasuring a woman's body using your hands and fingers, so I’m sticking with handjob. Of course not all women's bodies have the same parts, so to be more specific, this is a guide to vulval, vaginal, and clitoral stimulation. Just saying you've got a man or woman's body to pleasure doesn't tell you enough about how to pleasure it, so consider the following a rough guide to the smooth art of handjobs.

 

Here's How:

  1. Deal with your hang-ups, embrace the "mystery".
    Regardless of your gender, our society doesn’t offer a lot of information about female genitals. We do get a lot of myth and misinformation about the clitoris, vagina, and vulva and often people think of it as a dark and mysterious place they can’t fully understand. The idea of mystery isn’t bad, as long as you know that it’s a mystery that can be discovered, not something that will always be confusing and misunderstood. If you have any psychological hang-ups about female genitals they will get in the way of a great handjob.

     

  2. Consider the person attached to the vulva.
    We all like different kinds of stimulation at different times, and most of us have general preferences for the intensity of stimulation. Most of us will have some history with handjobs, experiences both positive and negative. Women with painful histories maybe fearful or cautious when approached by even the most loving hands. If you're in a position to talk about it, getting some information about your partners handjob history wouldn't hurt. If the idea of talking about sex is a major turn off for both of you the next tip may be all you need to know.

     

  3. If you don't know what to do, do it slowly.
    So much uncertainty and fumbling can be okay if it's done slowly. A bigger problem is to, as Monty Python would describe it, stampede to the clitoris as if simply doing something faster or harder is going to be better. Actually that can be the worst thing you can do. Even if it doesn't hurt, too much stimulation can temporarily numb your partner and make everything else you do moot. Instead start with slow and gentle touch and pay close attention to things like your partner's breathing, sounds she is making, the flush of her skin, all of which can give you a pretty good idea of where and how she wants to be touched.

     

  4. Use your hands to get a lay of the land.
    The first time you’re touching your partner using your hands and fingers, feel your way around, but take time to really feel her. It’s not just about fumbling your way to the clitoris or vaginal opening. Notice the difference in how the outer labia feel and how the inner labia feel. How does the perineum feel different than the pubic mound? Some people have a hard time focusing their attention and one thing that works for some people is to pay attention as if you had to describe what you’re feeling to someone who had never felt it before.
     
  5. Mapping out the hotspots.
    For most women the clitoris is the area where they have the greatest sensitivity. But this isn't the case for all women, and a great handjob is completely subjective to the body you're with. Don't ignore other parts of her body. Her inner thighs and bum can produce amazingly pleasurable sensations. Either by asking or by exploring, learn where her hotspots are. You’ll also find that some areas call for more vigorous stimulation than others. So the way you touch the clitoris may be very different than the way you touch the labia.
     
  6. The clitoris is 3-D.
    If you think the clitoris is like a button on the surface of the body that just needs to be pressed with the right amount of pressure, or the right number of times, you’re missing the boat. Think about the clitoris as sticking out, having a top a bottom and sides. Play with all the edges before you come swooping in from above, and see what works. Some women report preferring clitoral stimulation on one side of their clitoris more than the other. Don’t forget that the clitoris extends deep into the body, so deep massage of the whole area can be pleasurable once she’s already aroused.
     
  7. Going in.
    Not all women want penetration, but many like it as part of a handjob. As always, start slow and with one finger. You can play with the depth of penetration, the speed, and also the kind of pressure you apply once you’re inside the vagina. Gentle pressure, applied firmly to the front wall can be pleasurable for some women (and may stimulate the g spot). You can also play with twisting your wrist so that your fingers turn. If you’re using your fore or middle finger for penetration you can provide clitoral stimulation with your thumb or other part of your hand depending on how your positioned.
     
  8. Fingers, pads and tips.
    Your hands and fingers offer a variety of tools to touch with. You can use the length of your finger and the knuckles to create very different sensations and pressure. You can use the pad of your fingers (which is the flat part you see when you open your hand and turn it toward you. The pads have a bit of padding and a little texture to them. You also have the tips of your fingers and fingernails, both of which create more pointed sensations.
     
  9. 1,000 ways to touch.
    With fingers, run the length of your finger along the skin. Roll your fingers back and forth. Use fingers for penetration. You can use your fingertips to isolate skin and gently apply pressure to it, squeezing it between two fingers. Use the pads of your fingers to gently, or not so gently, tap rhythmically. Brush your pads or finger tips back and forth across an area to create more intense, vibrator like stimulation. These are just a few ideas, the point is to experiment and find ways of touching that feel good to you and your partner.
     
  10. Move in all directions.
    You may be tempted to think of female genitals as vertical space, and as a result all your hand movements maybe be up and down. Don’t fall into that trap. Many women like the feeling of fingers rubbing their clitoris in a side-to-side motion. Others will love a twisty or circular motion. And of course you can play with building up one kind of motion and then switching to the same intensity but in opposite direction.

     

  11. Become a multi-tasker.
    When women are surveyed for the fastest and most desirable way for them to have an orgasm very often it's simultaneous oral clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration with fingers that tops the list. It’s not something everyone can do, but once you’re comfortable and having fun with handjobs, think about how you can create two kinds of stimulation at two different points, at the same time.

Tips:

  1. Forget about porn.
    In most cases it’s safe to say that the sex you see in porn isn’t a good example to follow, but I would say this is especially true of handjobs for women. Most of the sex in porn simply isn’t real. There is no build up and far too much banging and slapping which, even if you like that (and some women do) you need to build up to. So with very few exceptions, put everything you’ve seen in mainstream pornography out of your mind when your hands head south.

     

  2. Lube is your friend.
    If your partner consistently has a lot of vaginal lubrication you may not want to add more personal lubricant, but the fact is that having more lubrication can intensify the stimulation, so in this case more is rarely worse. Sticking with a water-based or silicone-based lubricant is probably the best idea.

     

  3. Learn by watching.
    If your partner masturbates, one of the best ways to learn what they like is to watch them do it to themselves. You could ask them to masturbate for you (and if they are shy, you could offer to do it for them). If it's a lesson and not simply a show, you can suggest they wear a blindfold. This will make both of you less self-conscious, and gives you a chance to really pay attention to where they are touching themselves, in what order, for how long, etc...

     

  4. Adding vibration.
    Vibrators can be a great addition to a handjob, and you should never feel that using one somehow lessens your skill or craft. If you haven’t used one before during a handjob I recommend that you turn it on and put it in her hand so she can show you where she likes vibration, what the speed and pressure of the vibration should be. You can also learn more about using vibrators for women to get some pointers.

     

Related Video
How to Give a Foot Massage
Teaching Your Child to Use Scissors
  1. About.com
  2. People & Relationships
  3. Sexuality
  4. Tips and Techniques for Better Sex
  5. How To Give a Handjob to a Woman

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.