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Keeping Sex Fun While Trying to Get Pregnant

How Timing Sex To Your Cycle Can Ruin Your Sex Life

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Updated March 17, 2011

Is it possible to keep sex fun when you're trying to get pregnant? Obviously the answer is going to be different for everyone. And for some people the answer may honestly be no, I can't have fun; I'm busy peeing on sticks, updating my fertility blog, and tracking my temperature, I'm way too stressed out. Regardless of where you find yourself on the fun-to-frantic continuum, if you are trying to get pregnant with a partner, here are some tips on having good sex while trying to get pregnant.

Remember Where You Came From

If you're trying to get pregnant with a partner, you probably love each other and there was almost certainly a time when you were so hot for each other it hurt. Take a few minutes when you are alone to write down some of the things you found sexiest about your partner. It may have been how he looked, something he did in bed, the way he talks or moves. Come up with at least three things and then write them out, and put them in a note for your partner.

Have Sex When You Want It, Not Just When It's Time

If you're trying to time the sex you have to your cycle you may feel as if you can only have sex when it's time, as if having sex at other times is a waste. This is a trap to avoid. Your sex drive isn't like a gas tank (you don't get a full tank at the beginning of each month that runs out as you use it), and in fact, having satisfying sex when you know it won't result in pregnancy can enhance the timed sex you feel you have to have. Remember too, that masturbation in a relationship is not only allowed, it's healthy, and if one of you feels like it and the other doesn't, satisfaction is only a solipsistic moment away.

Do Other Kinds of Sexual Things Together

If you and your partner's only sexual connection is taking place during sex timed to ovulation, it can put a serious drain on your sexual relationship, and have negative repercussions to the relationship as a whole. Make sure you do other things together that are sensual or sexual, but don't include having full on sex. Give each other a massage (or, if budget allows, get massages together), snuggle or otherwise take time for intimate physical contact, remember to talk and be loving to each other in the moments you can.

Bring Out the Sex Toys

If you haven't explored sex toys before, now may be a good time to start. Sex toys can add some much needed silliness to the proceedings (when sex is timed to ovulation it can become very serious and seriously un-erotic). Sex toys can also add extra physical stimulation, which can be helpful when you have a short window for sex. A vibrator can't "make" you feel something you aren't up for feeling, but if even a part of you is aroused, something like a Hitachi Magic Wand can go a long way, in a short time.

Be Smart, Use Lube

Lubricant is a great way to keep sex slick and sensitive. If you're feeling stressed or anxious about sex because you are timing it to ovulation or because you think it "isn't working" it can have an impact on natural lubrication. Any supplements or medications you may be taking that effect hormones could also impact lubrication. Vaginal dryness is a major cause of sexual problems, and adding a lubricant is an easy and effective fix. One important caution: almost all commercial lubricants can harm sperm. If you already have obstacles to fertility, consider using Pre-Seed, the only lubricant designed not to harm sperm.

Unleash the Sexual Fantasies

Many couples feel like sexual fantasies represent a betrayal, that thinking about someone or something else other than your partner is a form of psychological cheating. When sex becomes work (which is how sex to get pregnant can feel at times) it is time to throw out the rule book and use what works, and what often works is a healthy dose of sexual fantasy. Authors Anne Semans and Cathy Winks recommend in their book The Mother's Guide to Sex tying the fantasy to the task at hand, and pretending you and your partner are porn stars, and the director has called "action," so it's time to perform. This one may or may not work, but the point is to acknowledge that what you're doing can seem "counter-erotic" and you both have a right to do what you need to do to get the job done.

Explore Sexual Variations

On the one hand, introducing a new sexual act might not be the best idea when you're trying to get pregnant. On the flip, it might be the perfect time. The fact is that both of you are having sex timed to a schedule that is out of your control, which means that everyone is compromising. So why not take the opportunity to either start or finish with something else you always wanted to try? So-called "baby making sex" just means at some point there needs to be penetration and ejaculation, it doesn't mean that's all you can do.

Have a Sense of Humor

Sex is both funny and ludicrous. We tend to take sex a bit too seriously in general, and if it's feeling like a chore because of timing, that can turn any potential joy into drudgery. When you think about it, there is something funny about spending your younger years avoiding getting pregnant and then finding yourself "forced" to have sex at certain times to make sure you do get pregnant. Obviously laughing about your situation can also help diffuse tension the two of you may be experiencing as each person feels alternately responsible and bitter about the situation.
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