My number one pick for Valentine's this year is also Susie Bright's first foray into sex games. Read on...

Is there a difference between sexual ideas that come from the genuine pursuit of sexual knowledge and pleasure and those that come from a marketing team or wannabe TV sexpert? You bet there is.

Susie Bright has devoted her adult life to learning about sex and the human condition, and sharing her discoveries not only with friends and lovers but also with the general public through her non-fiction writing and work as an editor of erotica. For open minded and openhearted sexual exploration, you'll find no better guide than Bright.

With I Dare You Bright has turned her years of sexual introspection and learning into what are on the surface quickie sex suggestions. The luxe box contains thirty sealed envelopes. In each envelope a card, or seduction in the parlance of the product, suggests something to either share verbally with your partner ("Tell me...") or something to do with your partner ("I dare you ...").

The seductions present a wide range of challenges, from disclosing fantasies to exploring sensation play, from fun with take-out food to delving into music and sex. What's so unique about I Dare You is that it seems to be all about the sexual acts, but in fact it calls on you to share your sexual creativity with a partner.

In this way I Dare You is everything you need to shake up your sex life, and nothing more. Bright's suggested seductions act like a sexual fairy godmother. They put you in the mood, get you ready for the ball, even walk you right up to the door; but you've got to step out of the pumpkin carriage on your own.

In the end, sexual sharing and risks that are fuelled by your creativity and passion are far more fun, revealing, and hot than the paint-by-numbers approach of most sex games on the market. I Dare You does require a little sexual trust and an adventurous spirit but with the right partner, the payoff is absolutely worth the risk.

Read more - I Dare You: 30 Sealed Seductions (compare prices).

Image courtesy of Chronicle Books

Most sex tips I read don't apply to me at all. They assume too much, about my body, about my gender, about what I want from sex. I could go on, and on. But instead, over the years, I've been compiling sex ideas that try not to assume or expect too much. I call them sex tips for the rest of us.

Some, but not all of us, are aware when something turns us on. We might find ourselves just slightly more tuned in, or note a change in our bodies. It might be sudden and shocking or slow and subtle. Whether you're aware of it or not, how often do you spend time thinking about why something turns you on? What it is, specifically, that gets you hot? And when was the last time you shared those thoughts with a partner?

This sex tip takes a week to prepare and then at least an hour to do. Once you've agreed on a week (one that hopefully doesn't have extra commitments) during that week, try to pay attention, as often as you can, to things you find arousing. You can be intentional about it and go online, buy some magazines, watch some movies, to seek out images and sounds that you find hot. But you should also do this during the course of your day. On a lunch break watching people around you, listening to the radio or reading the newspaper, in store windows and shopping malls. Wherever you are, what ever you're doing, try for to pay a little closer attention to things that turn you on throughout the week.

Read the complete sex tip for the rest of us: Sharing Sexy Pictures and Sounds

Read all Sex Tips for the Rest of Us

Sex therapist and researcher Dr. Sandra Leiblum passed away on Thursday. She was a well-known psychologist and sex researcher whose career spanned almost forty years. Leiblum was involved in over 130 clinical and research studies, and the editor or co-editor of ten books, including the now classic Principles and Practice of Sex Therapy.

I never had the opportunity to meet or hear her speak, but colleagues and friends describe her as both an important contributor to the field of sexology and a warm and generous teacher, mentor and friend.

Most recently Leiblum coined the term persistent genital arousal syndrome and co-authored some of the first papers identifying the experience some women have of arousal that doesn't dissipate and appears in the absence of sexual stimulation.

It's since become labeled persistent genital arousal disorder, and while there's still much to understand about it, it sounds like the kind of person Dr. Leiblum was to devote time and energy to an issue that was well known but not often spoken of in the clinical literature.

According to her obituary a memorial service will be held next month.

Read more - UMDNJ Magazine: Sexual Healing

Last week I went a bit overboard complaining about the limits of quantitative social science research. Reading Tania Rabesandratana's article about Flibanserin in the Inkling got me going again. It was this quote from Petra Boynton in response to a Flibanserin researcher marking a difference between "internal" and "environmental" factors in sexual desire (as if such distinctions are ever fully possible):

Dr. Petra would like to see Flibanserin pitted against precisely such "environmental factors." "Why not test the drug not only vs. placebo, but also vs. using a sex toy or lubricant, communicating better with your partner, having a glass of wine, or going to sex education sessions?" she suggests.

Absolutely! Why not test drugs in ways that reflect the lived experience of sexuality rather than the most artificial and sterile of sexual reproductions? I should think lube and sex toys companies would be all over this. Of course there's no reason for a for profit drug company to do research that might not support the sales of its potential products. Also I can imagine researchers having all sorts of methodological problems with controls and comparison groups if you throw pharmaceuticals, vibrators, and sex workshops in the mix. It would make it harder to do a study like that and come out with meaningful data, but what does that say about the overall approach of this kind of research?

Read more - Inkling Magazine: Women's Fliberation

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