What the Pope Said About Love & Sex

As predicted , Pope Pope Benedict XVI is warning people that sex without unconditional (read spiritual) love turns all of us into sexual merchandise in his first Encyclical God is Love. Right off the top, the Pope (ignoring women in the equation altogether) writes:

Nowadays Christianity of the past is often criticized as having been opposed to the body; and it is quite true that tendencies of this sort have always existed. Yet the contemporary way of exalting the body is deceptive.

Eros, reduced to pure “sex”, has become a commodity, a mere “thing” to be bought and sold, or rather, man himself becomes a commodity. This is hardly man's great “yes” to the body. On the contrary, he now considers his body and his sexuality as the purely material part of himself, to be used and exploited at will. Nor does he see it as an arena for the exercise of his freedom, but as a mere object that he attempts, as he pleases, to make both enjoyable and harmless. Here we are actually dealing with a debasement of the human body: no longer is it integrated into our overall existential freedom; no longer is it a vital expression of our whole being, but it is more or less relegated to the purely biological sphere.

This makes me think about a few things. First, it really clears up the difference between the Pope and a sex educator.

The Pope makes it clear that sex should be self-less, good sex is no longer "self-seeking, a sinking in the intoxication of happiness; instead it seeks the good of the beloved: it becomes renunciation and it is ready, and even willing, for sacrifice." But if an individual, couple, or polyamorous tribe came to a sex educator or therapist for counsel on sexuality, the educator or therapist would likely tell each person that they need to turn inwards, and get damn selfish, at least for a while to find out what works for them, what their boundaries, needs, desires, are. In short, before you can find intense sexual connections with others (well...ones that last more than a few hours at least) you probably need to know yourself a bit. And even then, transcendent sex (sex that some might describe as spiritual or religious) is often about walking the line between being completely in yourself and aware of yourself, and being completely with another. This is very different than the kind of spiritual love or sexuality the Pope seems to be touting.

The whole thing also makes me wonder where the Pope developed his idea of Eros from. This is the image of raw commodification that he writes about as a debasement. While I wouldn't argue that there is a lot of merchandising going on in the world of sexuality, I'm equally aware of the fact that when you talk seriously or intimately with people about their experience of sexuality and sex play, you hear much more than stories about feeling like a piece of meat. The French haven't been referring to the orgasm as "le petite mort" for nothing. I think that fun, recreational, but consensual and respectful sex play can be all the things the Pope is praising, even when it lacks selflessness and a stated committment or intention of love.

Related - Spiritual Sex