Despite our culture’s current bravado about sexual openness and communication, most of us still carry a lot of secret sexual desires and with them some sexual shame. A first step in dealing with this kind of shame is to reveal our secret desires to ourselves.
Over the next week take time (at least twice, and at least five minutes each time) to pay attention to where you mind wanders when you fantasize about sex. Remember that sexual fantasies are not the same thing as sexual actions. As you take this time try to come up with a list in your head of three sexual fantasies you have that you’ve never revealed to anyone. Don’t do this with the idea that you’ll reveal them. Keep them private for now. But try to flesh them out, and be able to answer for yourself what are three sexual desires you have that you’ve never talked about. There may not be any great revelations, but a little bit of self-knowledge can go a long way over time.
Have fun!
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