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Sex Positions Tip #1 - Physical Positioning

The Right Body Orientation and Position for Comfortable and Enjoyable Sex


Image of the basic missionary sex position.

There are times when we all use terms, particularly sexual terms, without thinking much about what they really mean. The term "sex position" is a good example. We talk about positioning as if there's some magical move that we can learn and then everything will be instantly orgasmic. Despite the promises of magazine articles and how to books, that's not how it works.

It's called a position because you are literally positioning your body in relation to another body in the context of the space you are in (or if you're alone, then it's just you and the space). So a great sex position can't be generic, it has to take into account all the bodies that are involved and the space they are in.

There are dozens of basic positions you can put your body into, and then thousands of variations on each of those positions. Standing, kneeling, curled up in a fetal position, sitting with your legs spread open, with your legs crossed, squatting, etc... Most of the time people who live with pain, whether it's temporary or chronic, can still find a variety of sex positions that will work for them.

So where do you start?

First, I'd say forget everything you've ever seen about positions. From erotic photography to pornography to Hollywood movies when people are having sex for the camera, the positions they choose are also for the camera.

Instead, think about what positions you find most comfortable in general. Are you happiest sitting or standing? Leaning against a wall or balancing on one foot?

Next think about your range of motion. What parts of your body move with the greatest ease and least pain? Are there body parts that you love moving around? Other parts that you are more self-conscious about? Sex can become an opportunity to reshape how you feel about your body, but why not start off with a position that feels right?

Consider also how the position of your body in relation to your partner changes the dynamic. If you're in the mood for lazy sex, then you being on top probably isn't going to be ideal. But if you've been asked to be more dominant and take control, being on top might be right. You don't need to be an athlete to achieve any of these effects. You can use furniture, or position one partner on the floor, for example, to be above, without having to have arms or abs of steel.

It can also help a lot to know what works for your partner. If talking about sexual likes and dislikes doesn't sound like any fun to you, you might decide to create a sort of fun and sexy questionnaire for each other, then answer your questions and swap answers.

Sharing your preferences and thoughts is important when it comes to sexuality because most of us feel some sexual shame, which results in us often having sex in ways that are less than ideal (whether that's a position that hurts a little, or a kind of sex that just doesn't do it for you).

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