Whether you’re an expert at swinging from the ceiling vines or a nervous newcomer to the idea of dressing up and getting down, fantasy sexual role play opens a new world of sexual possibilities for you and your partner.
Not every fantasy wants to be acted out, and it can feel daunting to know where to start. Here are nine steps to introducing a bit of role play into what is one of the last forms of adult play we have left.
Know the difference between fantasy sexual role play and dirty talk.
Having a few minutes of dirty talk just before you start having sex isn’t the same as setting out a fantasy sexual role play scene. Fantasy sexual role play can take you deeper into another character and release you from the restrictions you put on yourself in your daily life. It means more preparation, and more risks, but the difference is palpable, and worth it!
Great fantasy sexual role play requires some forethought.
Most people start out a bit shy and nervous with the idea of dressing up as someone else and playing a role. Much of this reticence comes from a lack of preparation. The best way to get comfortable with sexual role playing is to get prepared. It’s hard to leap into action (and a loin cloth) if you’ve never thought about how Tarzan might sound, or what he might want to do with Jane, and all those vines.
Brainstorm about fantasy sexual role play: get your creative juices flowing.
Consider the following elements of any sex role play scenario:
- Who do you want to be?
- What’s the scenario?
- How can you dress it up?
- What’s your motivation?
- What (and where) are the boundaries and the ground rules?
Who do you want to be? Pick a fantasy sexual role that feels right.
Cop, nurse, IT specialist… do some homework and choose a role or character that resonates with you. It’s hard to play a cliché that has no personal meaning, so find one that fits. It is fantasy and you can push your boundaries while finding a character that you connect with in some way.
What’s the scenario? Setting your fantasy sexual role play scene.
Our feelings of embarrassment and shame can keep us from revealing details about a fantasy we want to act out. But it's not just the devil that's in the details, it's a lot of the sexual heat! Details can take you deeper into a sexual role play scenario. When you first imagine a sexual scene the main points may be enough to get you going, but the more detail you can add to the fantasy the more alive it becomes. Even if you keep them to yourself, thinking through details can also be great for awkward moments when you don’t know what to do next.
How can you dress it up? Choosing costumes and props to extend your fantasy sexual role play.
Maybe the most fun part of the preparation is costumes. As adults we don’t get to play nearly enough, and fantasy sexual role play is a perfect opportunity to dress up and have fun. Once you’ve decided on who you want to be, think about ways to add to your character and role through clothing and props.
What’s your motivation? Analyze your fantasy sexual role play character.
Now that you know who you are, where you are, and what you’re wearing, it’s time to consider the psychology of your role. Analyze your character. What’s your motivation? What turns your character on, what turns them off, what pushes their buttons or drives them wild? Are you dominant? Submissive? Do you switch back and forth?
What are the boundaries? Set ground rules for fantasy sexual role play.
Setting ground rules and boundaries with the person or people you’re going to be playing out a fantasy sexual role play with is essential. Some of these rules should be common sense and common courtesy, like no laughing at someone, and no judging each other in the moment. Other rules will take some thought and good communication.
Practice makes perfect. Use masturbation to explore fantasy sexual role play.
When we think of fantasy sexual role playing we usually imagine it involves at least two people. But masturbation offers some of the most fertile ground for developing sexual fantasy scenes. When we’re masturbating we are less likely to censor our thoughts and feelings.