In his book The Essential Tantra , author and teacher Kenneth Ray Stubbs writes about four common obstacles people experience to exploring Tantra sexuality.
The first is the idea that in sex we are either a spectator or a performer. If our attention is focused on watching what is going on, what our partner is doing, or how our body is looking or responding, we are taken out of an awareness of the moment. Tantra is about moving away from the “acting” and towards “being”
The second is about judgment. We need to try to stop ourselves when we are judging appearances in intimate moments. It’s not that we shouldn’t have personal tastes, or that it is even possible to be completely non-judgmental. But if we’re doing this judgment either with ourselves when we are alone, or with a partner, during a sexual moment, it is likely that we’re doing it as a way of keeping ourselves separate from the experience.
The third obstacle is comparing our current experience with past experiences. We all do this to some extent, it is only natural. But when we focus on this, we are unable to experience things in a new way, to see new possibilities. By focusing on the present, Tantra practice encourages us to stop comparing or working from expectations, and start experiencing each sexual encounter for what it is.
The last obstacle Stubbs writes about is having specific expectations of the future. Tantra is about the journey, not the destination. Having our mind fixed on a final goal means we can't focus our energy on what it’s like to get there.
