1. Health

How To Give a Man a Handjob

By

Updated August 27, 2013

Whether you're having sex in a long term relationship or an anonymous quickie, giving a great handjob is as much about making a connection with your partner as it is about a specific technique. It shouldn’t feel like work, but there's nothing wrong with taking a certain amount of pride in your craft. Thinking of yourself as a crafts person (which, I guess, means penis is your clay?) seems fitting, since a really great handjob is way more art than science. Below are some tips both scientific and artistic, to guide you in the development of your craft.

Looking for tips on handjobs for women?

Time Required: Two minutes to two hours, this activity can usually fit into any schedule.

Here's How:

  1. Know your audience.
    When it comes to sexual stimulation, men are not all the same. They have different likes and dislikes in the kind of stimulation that works for them, and different handjob histories (those with painful histories maybe fearful or cautious even when approached by the most loving hands). It doesn’t hurt to know a little before you get moving. A casual conversation (not right before or during sex) can yield some important information. And if you’re uncomfortable asking what he likes directly, other ways are explained below on how to gauge what works and what doesn’t.

  2. Whatever you do, start slowly.
    Because every guy is different, knowing the latest move isn’t always going to work. What’s more important is a handjob that brings enthusiasm and adventure...plus the ability to start slow and pay attention. As you touch him, pay attention to your pressure, the speed of the stroke and where you’re touching. At the same time, pay attention to what’s going on for him. Is he making happy noises? Is he moving his body? You can also solicit simple feedback ("You like?" or "You want more?"), although too much talking or too many questions can get distracting.

  3. Male genital anatomy and you.
    A familiarity with the fundamentals of male genital anatomy can help both in the specifics (such knowing where there are lots of nerve endings and where there are fewer) and also in a general way, it might give you greater confidence going in. Some areas, like the base of the penis and the shaft are less sensitive. Others, like under the head and the scrotum, are more sensitive.

  4. It's not just about the penis.
    It may be the lead actor in the drama, but supporting characters, like the testicles and scrotum, can steal the scene for some guys. These areas, along with the perineum, can be sensitive to touch and pressure, particularly once a man is aroused. You can tickle them, run your nails along them, tap them gently. You can also put your middle finger and forefinger around the top of the scrotum (making sure that you just have skin between your fingers, no actual balls) and then slowly and gently tug down, away from the body.

  5. Wetter is better.
    Because guys don’t lubricate enough to create any kind of noticeable wetness, adding external personal lubricant is an absolute must. If the lube is only for the handjob and you’re not planning on relying on condoms immediately afterward, oil-based lubricants really are the best as they don’t dry up and can actually add to the experience. Some products, like Stroke 29 (buy direct) are specially designed for this purpose, but in a pinch any water-based or even silicone-based lube will do. Remember that oil based products will damage condoms, so if you're moving to intercourse, don't use one of these products as it will stay on the penis and get on the condom.

  6. It's like reading a story.
    Like most good stories, a handjob has a beginning middle and end. There are no rules about these being equal or being a certain length. You may want it to end when you’re both ready to have another kind of sex, or you may want it to end with an orgasm and ejaculation. But thinking about giving a handjob as if it’s like telling your partner a story can help keep you tuned into two crucial elements - pacing and connection.

  7. Building up, coming down, getting off.
    Keeping a good pace during the action is crucial. In most cases, you want to start slow (with lots of light touch and teasing), building up to a steady stimulation, and then intensifying to the point of orgasm. Stopping in the middle, starting to fast and rough, or trying to use light stimulation after you’ve been stroking hard for a while, probably won’t work. There is no formula for the right pacing, but experiment and pay attention to your partners response (such as deeper breaths, more moaning, increased body tension) and let that be your guide.

  8. Making contact.
    What separates a handjob from masturbation is both the excitement of the unknown, as well as the fact that it’s someone else giving you pleasure. Maintaining a tight connection between you and your partner throughout can exponentially increase their satisfaction. Whether it’s making eye contact, allowing yourself to make noises, or touching other parts of his body with a free hand, anything you can do to attune yourself to his experience will help you focus on the pleasure of the moment rather than think about what you’re going to next.

  9. The shape of the hand.
    Depending on your range of motion, you can use your hands in all sorts of different ways for stimulation. Try these: Use both your hands, fingers extended and palms opened, to stroke the penis. Put your index finger and pinky finger a bit over your middle and ring finger, making your hand into a cup-like shape. Position your hand lengthwise on the penis and explore how it feels to use the heel of your hand for stimulation. The skin on your hand differs throughout, and you can use this difference to explore alternatives to the simple grip.

  10. Using your fingers.
    Your fingers can change the feeling of the stimulation and the pressure you apply. Instead of wrapping all your fingers evenly around the shaft of the penis, try using only the thumb and index finger. See what happens when you slowly add more fingers and more pressure. You can also use the tips of your fingers to tap gently along the shaft, on the scrotum and the perineum. Depending on his comfort and interest, you can use your nails (remember some spots can take a lot rougher stimulation than others). When using a lot of individual finger stimulation, be sure that your hands are well lubed.

  11. Try different styles of strokes.
    The standard up and down stroke can be effective, but it can also get boring and quickly lead to over-stimulation. Experiment with different kinds of strokes. Use a twisting motion while moving up and down, roll the penis between your palms, alternate short strokes at the base of the penis with short strokes at the tip. Start with short strokes and gradually make them longer. Instead of moving up and down, just stroke up and away from the body.

  12. The squeeze.
    Some guys really like a firm grip around their penis and will love a combination of stroking with gentle, but firm squeezing up and down the shaft. Usually it’s more like pumping your fist (as if milking a cow...sorry I know that’s not very sexy) than it is like a prolonged squeeze required to open the lid off a jar (again, not so sexy, but I’m at a loss for a better visual metaphor). As a general rule, most guys won’t like the feeling of squeezing directly of the testicles, although stimulating the area can be great. This bring us to our next point.

  13. Adding vibration.
    If you’ve talked about sex toys with your partner, a handjob can be a good time to introduce a vibrator into your sex play. Start off with just your hands, and without stopping the physical contact gently bring the vibrator into the picture. Don’t move it directly to the genitals. Instead, let him feel the vibrator on his legs and belly, on his inner thighs, and then slowly let him feel what its like on his penis. You don’t need a vibrator specifically marketed for men: Any hard plastic vibrator is perfect for first-time experimentation. Read more tips on using vibrators for men.

  14. Pulling it all together.
    It can be fun to experiment with the above ideas, and more on your own. But don’t worry about trying to do several things at once, or even during one session. Remember the goal is to give pleasure to your partner and the benefit of this method is that you have a lot of room to tune into his pleasure. Some people find that kind of connection to be arousing, others like the feeling of control, some people love it because they know it’s going to come back to them. Whatever your reasons in the end it's about making that connection and having fun.

Tips:

  1. Learn from a master.
    One of the best ways to get a baseline handjob how to is to ask that your partner masturbate for you. If he is shy, you can suggest he wear a blindfold (it really helps). Watch the kinds of strokes he uses, where he is stimulating himself the most, and the pacing he uses from beginning to end.

  2. Avoid over-stimulation.
    With too much friction and rough stimulation, the penis can become over-stimulated and essentially feel a bit numb. When this happens, it’s usually difficult for the man to ejaculate no matter how much stimulation you provide. It can be hard to know where the line is, and it requires a bit of communication, particularly if he feels like what you’re doing is too vigorous. Some men may not be aware of when they’re getting to that point. So asking about it during non-sex time may be a good way of getting him to be more aware of it and hopefully communicate that to you.
Related Video
How to Give a Foot Massage
Make a PowerPoint Multiple Choice Quiz
  1. About.com
  2. Health
  3. Sexuality
  4. Tips and Techniques for Better Sex
  5. How to Give a Man a Handjob - Sexual Technique Advice

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.