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Readers Respond: What’s Bad Sex?

Responses: 88


Updated March 09, 2011

From the article: How to Have Bad Sex
What makes for bad sex? Are there things you’ve done that in retrospect you think reduced your chances of getting what you wanted sexually? There are few absolutes when it comes to sex, but most of us have learned a thing or two about what doesn’t work when it comes to setting the mood or getting what we want. Share Your Story

Haven't Had Enough to Know

Been married 46 years and only had sex, intimacy, love, communication once on our wedding night. I really don't know good sex from bad sex but I have a very horrible marriage.
—Guest Amy

A Dead Fish Who Isn't Impressed

The worst is if I am with a girl who just lays there and says that I'm ok but has no idea how I can improve.
—Guest guest2014

Non Paticipatory

Bad Sex is when she does not partake or get involved in the foreplay before the real thing.
—Guest Guestjayo

Waiting for sex and not getting it

I waited until I was 25 to have sex because I was taught you had to be married to have sex. Then out of desperation and not enough available choices I let a guy take advantage of me emotionally. This experience was my first and decades ago, but I knew sex was not supposed to feel this way since I felt nothing when he 'tried it'. I had an experience with a different guy and he expected me to do all the work. These encounters just taught me what sex should not be. An encounter should be like a four or five course meal, not like fast food at the drive-in window. Maybe we have to have bad experiences in life in everything to cherish what is good.
—Guest Martha Lucinda

Weird and not fun!

When the guy whips out a bunch of grapes mid sex and starts feeding you them!
—Guest Monkeeeee

Haven't had any

I really don't know whats good or bad.. The last time I had sex was 45 years ago on our wedding night. Since then husband refuses to have sex, intimacy, sleep with me. He avoids me by working nights and sleeping in the basement.
—Guest Amy

Chronic illness and sex/no sex

Having chronic illnesses, it is hard to find the "right time" to have sex. Unfortunately, the one who is mostly sick is ME! Haven't quite worked around it yet. Still trying to figure it out. He thinks I am fragile and is afraid to mention it I think. The disconnection is awful! So those of you who are "healthy" think about how difficult it truly is for those of us who have to "plan" our sex lives around our bodies.
—Guest nosex=badsex

disappointing sex

Bad sex is when my man won't touch me.He lies there waiting for me to do things to him which I do because I want to please him. Still won't touch me- folds his arms up over his head. Won't do foreplay so I will be dry and tighter because it feels good to him, even though it hurts me. Lasts about 2 minutes then pulls out turns over his back to me and goes to sleep. I lay there mad and hurt that he does not care if I enjoy it.

A Self Centered Partner

bad sex is with a self centered partner who does not move or make a sound but lets me pleasure her when she's on the mood, which means, has a week off and lets work go. She then falls asleep and wonders why I'm a little off by the time she wakes up. I've shown and told her what I like and what turns me on but I need to repeat this nearly every time we have sex. She never initiates and has no imagination what so ever on the subject. Talking about it properly........ laughable. Oh and that my boobs are not sensitive in a sexual manner...... my problem, she'll try to fondle them anyway.
—Guest baffledlesbo

Wrong Focus

When you focus on ideas rather than emotions and sensations.

bad sex is....

When your husband doesn't listen when you tell him what you need, won't touch your pussy, kisses and touches everywhere BUT there and it's not like you're dirty as you just had a shower and trimmed... Then he wants you to stroke and suck his cock and give him a titty fuck then puts lube on as you're really dry because you're not turned on AT ALL and figures it makes up for you not being ready. When it just turns into empty meaningless sex that makes you feel empty and used.
—Guest aiesha

It's all in the prep...

Bad breath and no foreplay definitely make for bad eyes closed, face turned, impatient and unsatisfying sex. Rules: shower, shave, brush your teeth, trim your nails, kiss, cuddle, caress and dry hump a bit. It's really not overly complicated.
—Guest Is it over yet?

All Wrong-- Why Am I Doing This??

The man I've been involved with for two years is terrible in bed but thinks he is amazing. His sex education is clearly from misleading porn and his past girlfriends played along (like me?!) and pretended that he was good. In fact, he penetrates WAY too quickly and has no clue about lubrication-- he actually thinks it feels "weird" when a woman is wet and part of his dirty talk is about "fucking for so long" that my pussy gets dry and the friction increases. He has NO idea how bad that feels even though I've said it feels better when lubricated. His oral is SHIT. He barely applies his tongue and moves it around inconsistently-- one lick here-- then up to my mouth-- then back down for another couple of random, off the mark licks. No lapping, gentle sucking, or good old targeted licking. UGH.
—Guest Ugh

Too Fast

Bad sex is when you don't even get time to get into the mood before a man ejaculates then instead of getting back into it he gets up wipes himself than ask if you want to try again.
—Guest Mr.5 mins

Bad sex is self-centered sex.

For good sex, you need to care about what your partner wants, how they're feeling. You need to communicate, to be open-minded, to be able to enjoy intimacy without orgasm being the be-all and end-all. Just enjoy yourself and each other and have fun. :)
—Guest Maggie

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What’s Bad Sex?

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